Lesbian Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why can't a lesbian diet and wear make-up at the same time?
Because you cant eat jenny craig when you have mary kay on your face!
A guy named Penis von Lesbian came from Austria to America to become an actor.
He went to lots of auditions, but never got a job.
Finally one director took him aside and said,' Son, the only reason we're turning you away is your name. If you want to make it in this town, you gotta change the name!'
But Penis von Lesbian said:' I can't do that! This is my name!'
The director said:' Suit yourself!' and went on his way.
Years and years later, their paths crossed again. The director said,' I remember you! You're Penis von Lesbian! Did you ever get around to changing your name?'
The actor said,' Yes, and it helped! Now I go by Dick Van Dyke.'
British man James Seaton is on trial for beating a woman with a hammer and then sawing off her head after she revealed she was a lesbian.
Ah, the irony - if she hadn't been a lesbian, there wouldn't have been all those tools lying around.
An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?" "Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am," replied the cowboy. After a short while he asked her what she was." I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women," told the young woman. A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" "Well, I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian!"
How many screws are there in a lesbian coffin?
None, its just tongue and groove