Library Jokes / Recent Jokes

The president goes into a library. "I would like a cheeseburger and fries," he says in a loud, clear voice."
"But sir," says the assistant, "this is a library."
"Gee, I'm sorry," says Bush, and whispers very quietly, "I'd like a cheeseburger and fries."

Robert Nuranen of Hancock, Michigan, just returned a copy of “Prince of Egypt” to the library 47 years late. The return, with a due date of June 2, 1960, incurred a late fee of $147.
To prevent a future incident, the library is now considering adopting Blockbuster's return policies, under which Nuranen would have incurred a fee equivalent to his own little national debt.

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, ‘Buk Buk BUK. ’ The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them…and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.
Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say, ’ Buk Buk BuKKOOK! ’ The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.
The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, ‘Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook! ’ The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.
She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, “Rrredit Rrredit more...

A quiet little man was brought before a judge. The judge looked down at the man and then at the charges and then down at the little man in amazement.
"Can you tell me in your own words what happened?" he asked the man.
"I'm a mathematician dealing in the nature of proof."
"Yes, go on," said the astounded judge.
"Well, I was at the library and I found the books I wanted and went to take them out. They told me my library card had expired and I had to get a new one. So I went to the registration office and got in another line. And filled out my forms for another card. And got back in line for my card."
"And?" said the judge.
"And he asked' Can you prove you're from New York City?'. ... So I stabbed him."

What's the difference between the Library of Congress and the House of Representatives?
In the Library of Congress you're not allowed to lick the pages!

A blonde walks into a library and asks the librarian
"Can I please have 2 fries and 1 hambuger"
Libririan says
"Sorry but this is a library"
Blonde then whispers
"Can I please have 2 fries and 1 hambuger"

The blonde stormed into the library, walked up to the front desk and said, "Excuse me, but I have a complaint."
"Yes?" said the librarian.
"I borrowed a book from here a few days ago and it was just awful," complained the blonde.
"What was wrong with it?" the librarian asked.
"First of all, it had way too many characters, plus it had no plot whatsoever!" the blonde explained.
"Ahh, I see," replied the librarian. "You must be the person who took our phone book."