Lighted Jokes

One chimpanzee studying the palm of another: "I see a grim future for you. You're going to evolve into a man."
The Christmas Parrot "One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" the young man asked, excitedly. "Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet," was the shop owner's reply.
The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells!..." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..."
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her more...

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday present. So one day, he went into a pet store looking for a parrot. The salesperson showed the man to a very beautiful parrot.
''It's beautiful!'' cried the man, ''Does he do any tricks?''
''Yes he does,'' answered the salesman. ''If you put a lighted match under his right foot, the bird will sing 'Jingle Bells.' And if you put a lighted match under the birds left foot, he will sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'''
''Amazing!'' exclaimed the man, and he bought the parrot immediately. That night, the man showed his wife the parrot that he'd bought.
''Oh, what a gorgeous bird! Does it know know any tricks?'' asked the wife. The man smiled and said, ''Watch this.'' Then he lit a match and put it under the birds right foot. Sure enough, the parrot began to sing 'Jingle Bells.' Then he put the match under the bird's left foot, and it began to sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'
''That's incredible! Does he do anything more...

A blind man with a lighted candle A blind man was accustomed to holding a burning candle in hand when going out in the evening. One night a man passed by the blind man in a great hurry. But he was so curious at the sight that he asked, "Does the candle have special use to you, blind man? I thinking it`s a sheer waste." The blind man answered, "If I hadn`t had this little light in my hand, wouldn`t I have been knocked down by a dare devil like you?"

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday present. So one day, he went into a pet store looking for a parrot. The salesperson showed the man to a very beautiful parrot.
"It's beautiful!" cried the man, "Does he do any tricks?"
"Yes he does," answered the salesman.
"If you put a lighted match under his right foot, the bird will sing 'Jingle Bells.' And if you put a lighted match under the birds left foot, he will sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'"
"Amazing!" exclaimed the man, and he bought the parrot immediately.
That night, the man showed his wife the parrot that he'd bought.
"Oh, what a gorgeous bird! Does it know any tricks?" asked the wife.
The man smiled and said, "Watch this."
Then he lit a match and put it under the bird's right foot. Sure enough, the parrot began to sing 'Jingle Bells.' Then he put the match under the bird's left foot, and it began to sing 'Hark! The more...

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday present. So one day, he went into a pet store looking for a parrot. The salesperson showed the man to a very beautiful parrot.
"It's beautiful!" cried the man, "Does he do any tricks?"
"Yes he does," answered the salesman. "If you put a lighted match under his right foot, the bird will sing 'Jingle Bells.' And if you put a lighted match under the birds left foot, he will sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'"
"Amazing!" exclaimed the man, and he bought the parrot immediately. That night, the man showed his wife the parrot that he'd bought.
"Oh, what a gorgeous bird! Does it know any tricks?" asked the wife. The man smiled and said, "Watch this."
Then he lit a match and put it under the bird's right foot. Sure enough, the parrot began to sing 'Jingle Bells.' Then he put the match under the bird's left foot, and it began to sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels more...