Line Jokes / Recent Jokes

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re- booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said "I
HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I am sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but, I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone, "May I have your
attention please," she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the more...

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Bill, "what happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well."Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, "Can I borrow your dog?" To which the man replied, "Get in line."
Good Doggie "One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, more...

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver, Colorado, for being smart and funny and making her point when confronted with an angry passenger. During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing more...

Q: How does Santa get his elves in line?
A: In Elfabetical order!
Q: How does Santa keep his elves in line?
A: HE BEATS THEM WITH A STICK!

This was sent to me by someone who did not credit an author.
Go placidly among the line noise and baudrates, and remember what boredom there was before BBSing. As far as possible, do not covet your neighbor's HST. Answer your Email clearly and without typos, even to the nerds that pester you, for they have something to say even if you can't figure out what it is.
Avoid female impersonators in chat, for they are dangerous to your ego. If you compare yourself with others, you may consider suicide; for there is always someone more proficient in Zmodem than yourself.
Label your disks.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; even after staying up all night downloading. Exercise caution in your business affairs; because you need the money to pay your CompuServe bill. But let this not blind you to what enjoyment there is on your local BBS; many persons strive for the most recent shareware; and uploads get you more time on line.
Be yourself. Especially, do not more...

A swedish road-worker was hired to paint the line that goes down the center of the road. The first day he managed to paint 2 kilometers, and his boss was very pleased. The next day he only painted 200 meters, but his boss thought that he`d probably started off too hard on the first day. But on the third day he was only able to paint 20 meters. The boss called him into the office and demanded an explanation. "Well, you see it`s getting so darn far to walk all the way to the paint bucket," the swede explained.

A young, ruthless executive died and went to hell. When he got there, he saw one sign that said Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell. In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long line, while there was no-one in front of the Capitalist Hell. So the executive asked the guard, "What do they do to you in Socialist Hell?"
"They boil you in oil, whip you, and then put you on the rack," the guard replied.
"And what do they do to you in Capitalist Hell?"
"The same exact thing," the guard answered.
"Then why is everybody in line for Socialist Hell?"
"Because in Socialist Hell, they're always out of oil, whips, and racks!"