Liquidated Jokes

Found posted in the Physical Planning Office at the Indiana University
of Pennsylvania. Author unknown.
Contractor - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.
Bid Opening - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
Bid - A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.
Low Bidder - A contractor who is wondering what he left out.
Engineer's Estimate - The cost of construction in heaven.
Project Manager - The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician
is in a different union.
Critical Path Method - A management technique for losing your shirt
under perfect control.
OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print,
red tape, split hairs and baloney-usually applied at
random with a shotgun.
Strike - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
Delayed Payment - A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Completion Date - The point at which liquidated damages more...

Found posted in the Physical Planning Office at the Indiana University of Pennsylvania. Author unknown.
ContractorA gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.
Bid OpeningA poker game in which the losing hand wins.
BidA wild guess carried out to two decimal places.
Low BidderA contractor who is wondering what he left out.
Engineer's EstimateThe cost of construction in heaven.
Project ManagerThe conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.
Critical Path MethodA management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
OSHAA protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney - usually applied at random with a shotgun.
StrikeAn effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
Delayed PaymentA tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Completion DateThe point at which liquidated damages begin.
Liquidated DamagesA penalty for failing to achieve the more...