Loch Jokes

A young guy and girlfriend were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's about time for a kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts, honey."
The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Don't you think it's about time you pay me that first penny?", said the guy.

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. The monster then opened its mouth while waiting below to swallow man and boat.

As the man sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"

Suddenly, the scene froze in place. As the atheist hung in midair, a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"

"God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

"Well," said God, "now that you are a believer you must understand that I won't work miracles to snatch you from certain death in the jaws of the monster, but I can change hearts. What would you have me more...

The following is only a kind-of-lawyer joke, but I thought it should be included anyway. It is provided courtesy of Jim McNulty, a constable with the Strathclyde Police Force in Scotland:
I was recently at a CID Special services annual smoker where one of the speakers was a well known Indian lawyer. One of my colleagues told a great story in response to some of the lawyers speech: The lawyer is apparently a great fan of very hot curries, so after a trying day in court he heads home via the local takeaway where he orders his usual extra hot vindaloo. He gets it home and pours it onto a metal plate, being careful not to spill it on the table in case it burns a hole through it. He goes to the fridge for some beer and returns to find that his cat has eaten the entire curry meal.
Normally a peaceable person, he is incensed by this, and he grabs the unfortunate animal, which he throws into a sack, weighed down by various law books which he has never read anyway. He puts the sack more...

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said,"A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'. .. perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed.
The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh I was thinkin. .. perhaps its noo aboot time for a wee cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh I was thinkin. .. perhaps its aboot time you let me poot ma hand on more...

If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called? Loch Jaws.