London Jokes / Recent Jokes

A grey-bearded Sardarji boarded the Air India flight to London carrying a basket in his arms which he held close to his chest. He pressed the call-button to summon the stewardess. "Bibi," he addressed the girl kindly, "are you sure our pilot knows how to fly the plane properly? Do find out if he has a driving licence and has taken enough petrol for the journey." The girl assured him that the Captain was an experienced pilot and had taken enough fuel to get the plane to London.
A few minutes later he pressed the call bell again and asked the girl: "Find out if the engine was properly overhauled before we left and there is enough air in the tyres. Did he check them for punctures?" the girl reassured him again and asked: "Babaji why are you worried about your life? We will get you safely to
London."
"I'm not worried about myself," the old man replied, "I am worried about what I am carrying in this basket. You see I more...

public transport are putting fairs up ie: tube fairs are going up an arm and a leg and london bus fairs are going thru the roof!!

110
The largest bay in the world is Hudson Bay, Canada
111
The largest church in the world is Bascilica of St.Peter, Vatican City, Rome
112
The largest peninsula in the world is Arabia
113
The largest gulf in the world is Gulf of Mexico
114
The tallest statue in the world is the Motherland, Volgograd, Russia
115
The largest railway tunnel in the world is the Oshimzu Tunnel, Japan
116
The world's loneliest island is the Tristan da Cunha
117
The word 'Quiz' was coined by Jim Daly, Irishman
118
The original meaning of 'Quiz' was Trick
119
The busiest shopping centre of London is Oxford Street
120
The residence of the Queen in London is Buckingham Palace
121
Adolf Hitler was born in Austria
122
The country whose National Anthem has only music but no words is Bahrain
123
The largest cinema in the world is the Fox Theatre, Detroit, USA
124
The country where there are no cinema more...

Below are genuine announcements made by Tube Drivers on the London Underground. (The Tube is the London underground system).At Camden town station (on a crowded Saturday afternoon): "Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Let the passengers off the train FIRST! Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like Sardines, see if I care, I'm going home.""Ladies & Gentleman, upon departing the train may I remind you to take your rubbish with you. Despite the fact that you are in something that is metal, fairly round, filthy and smells, this is a tube train for public transport and not a bin on wheels.""Ladies and Gentlemen do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. I felt sadly let down by the fact that none of you sent me a card! I drive you to work and home each day and not more...

Never Gonna Stay In Your Hotella No More
The Manager
Y. M. C. A. Hotel
LONDON
Roma 28 sept. 1981
Dear signore Direttore, Noew I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at jour hotella.
I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a-younga christian man at your hotella.
When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed - how can I sleep with no shit in my
bed? So I calla down receptione and tella: "I wanta shit" They tella me: "Go to toilet" I say:"No, no I
wanta shit in my bed". They say: "You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch". What is
sonna-wa-bitch?
I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egga and two pissis of toast. I getta only
one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and point at toast: "I wanta piss". She tella me: "Go to toilet". I say:
"No, no I wanta piss on my plate". She then say to me: more...

Fireworks exploded over Sydney's Harbor Bridge as a million onlookers celebrated the New Year. In London, thousands of revelers gathered to cheer as Big Ben rings in 2007.
In the Australian capital -- one of the world's first major cities to usher in the new year -- people crammed the harbor shore for the lavish fireworks display celebrating the 25th anniversary of the iconic bridge.
Pope Benedict XVI prayed at a New Year's Eve service at the Vatican City in Rome that 2007 would bring the world "peace, comfort, justice."
In London, Big Ben's chimes were to be relayed by sound systems along the River Thames.
More than 200,000 people were expected to crowd the river's banks near the Houses of Parliament to watch a light show countdown projected onto the 443-foot (135-meter) London Eye Ferris wheel.
The event was followed by a 10-minute fireworks display, "big enough and loud enough to be seen... all over the capital," Mayor Ken Livingstone more...

LETTER WRITTEN TO THE MANAGER OF THE Y. M. C. A HOTEL IN LONDON BY A TOURIST
FROM ITALY AFTER HIS RETURN HOME

Roma 29
Sep 1997
The Manager
Y. M. C. A Hotel
LONDON
Dear Signore Direttore

Now I am tella you story wot I was treated at your hotella
I am comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a younga christian
man at your hotella.
When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed-how can I sleep
with no shit in my bed? So I calla down to reception and tella:
"I wanna shit" They tella me: Go to toilet". I say no, I wanta shit in my
bed". They say: You better not shit in your bed, you sonna wa-bitch". What
is sonna wa-bitch?
I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and eggs and two
pissis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and
point on toast: " I wanta piss". She tells me: "GO to toilet" I more...