London Jokes / Recent Jokes

london transport i.e trains and busses are putting their fairs up, london tube stations are going up an arm and a leg and london buses prices are going thru the roof!!

London, England:
The airline Virgin Atlantic plans to install bedrooms complete with
showers, Jacuzzis and double beds in its 747 jumbos to encourage travelers
to join the "Mile High Club", a report said Wednesday.
Ten to 12 rooms will be installed in the hold of airplanes and be accessed
by a staircase from the main cabin, the Sun newspaper said.
The price of a trip from London to New York would be around 2,900 pounds
($4,600).
"You can do it on cruise ships and trains, why not on a plane? Passengers
will find it comfy and romantic," airline boss Richard Branson was quoted
as saying.
The paper said Branson also plans a Kiddie Class, where airline nannies
and clowns will entertain children.

Q: A surd going to London on a plane, how can you steal his window seat?
A: Tell him the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: How do you make a surd laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What do you call a surd with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: SOMEONE ASKED IF A SURD BELEIVED IN SMOKING.
A: He said "Yes, I've seen it done."

When Jock moved to London he constantly annoyed his English acquaintances by boasting about how great Scotland was. Finally, in exasperation, one said, "Well, if Scotland's so marvelous, how come you didn't stay there?""Well," explained Jock "they're all so clever up there I had to come down here to have any chance of making it at all

It seems a man in Balham, South London decided to write a book about churches, mosques and synagogues around the country. He started by driving to Scotland and started working south from there.
He went to a very large church and began taking pictures. He spots a golden telephone on a wall and is intrigued with a sign that reads;

Passenger: Does this bus go to London? Conductor: No. Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor: Theres an advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we dont sell them!

Lazzy Airlines
-Passengers on a Lazzy flight heard this announcement from the captain:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean"
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lazzy Airlines have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane"
After this announcement all the pasengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.
The captain once again made an annoucement: "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and more...