Lots Jokes / Recent Jokes
Once, I was walking along our road and saw a man who appeared to be very old and well-lived sitting in a rocking chair. Surely, I thought, this man had all the answers. So I asked, "How did you live to such a healthy old age?"
He said, "I do lots of drugs, eat lots of sugars and fats, I smoke, and I never exercise."
"Wow," I said, "how old are you again??"
"I'm 22."
Two ladies are in a bar and the first lady says, "Why are men the same as parking lots".
So the second lady says "I don't know?
1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They
may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will
appreciate long comforting dog leans.
2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts.
Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.
3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem
to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look
with fake antlers.
4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a
prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations.
Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for
your humans, so there are some things you need to know:
- Don't pee on the tree
- Don't drink water in the container that holds the tree
- Mind your tail when you are near the tree
- If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell
interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip more...
1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.
2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.
3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.
4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:
a. Don't pee on the tree
b. Don't drink water in the container that holds the tree
c. Mind your tail when you are near the tree
d. If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open
e. Don't chew on the cord that runs from the more...
Finally! A guaranteed way to make $$$ with your computer- no strings attached!
That's right! You can makes lots of $$$$$ using the simple method described below. There is no secret to this method, it has been around for hundreds of years - before computers even existed!
People have been making $$ this way for a long time - in fact, it is estimated that over $ 100 trillion has been made this way by hundreds of millions of people. Don't worry this is not complicated - everything is completely automated and you won't have to sink any money into it. Follow these simple steps and you are guaranteed to make $$$:
Take a look at the box below. Simply click your mouse cursor inside the box.
Now that your cursor is blinking inside the box, it is time to get to work:
* Hold down the shift button on your keyboard.
* While holding this button, locate the "4" key on the upper left-hand side of the keyboard.
* more...
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control. The following came from an anonymous mother. Things I've learned from my children (honest no kidding): 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room. 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the more...
A hillbilly and two Indians were walking along. Around them were lots of caves. Suddenly one of the Indians ran up to one of the caves and yelled,
WOOOOOOWOOOOOOWOOOOOOWOOOOOWOOOOOOO!
There was a reply from inside the cave, WOOOOOOOOWOOOOOWOOOOOOOWOOOOOOOWOOOOO! So the Indian tore off his clothes and ran inside.
The hillbilly was confused about this, so he asked the other Indian, who replied, Well during mating season, all the women hide inside these caves, and what the men have to do is go up to one of the caves and yell WOOOOWOOOOWOOOOWOOOOOWOOOO! And if the women yell WOOOOWOOOOWOOOOWOOOOWOOOO! he can then take off his clothes and go in to mate.
And indeed, when they came to another cave, the Indian ran up to it and yelled WOOOOOOOWOOOOOOWOOOOOOWOOOOOOWOOOOOOO! There was another WOOOOOOWOOOOOWOOOOOWOOOOOOWOOOOOOO! from inside the cave, so the Indian tore off his clothes and ran inside to mate with the women in the cave.
The hillbilly thought this was a great more...