Lover Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman and her lover are on the bed in the womans home, whenall of a sudden, they hear the front door open and close."Oh, no, its my husband!"The man says, "Wheres your back door?""We dont have a back door" says the woman. The man then asks, "Well, where do you want a back door?"
Santa came home earlier than usual, when his wife, Jeeto's lover was still in the apartment. She hid her lover in a closet, and served dinner. As they ate, something rustled in the closet.
"What's that?" Santa husband asked.
"Nothing, darling. Just jackets."
After a while, they again heard some noise in the closet.
"What the hell is that?"
"I'm telling you, just jackets."
A few minutes later, the noise sounded once more.
"I'll check it," Santa said. "You'll regret it if it's not jackets."
Santa yanked the closet's door open. Inside, he saw a man who held a pistol. Santa quietly closed the door, and said, "Indeed, jackets, darling."
There was a lady who was in bed with her lover one day, when she
hears a noise and realizes that her husband is home early from
work. She has no idea what to do with her lover so she sticks him
in the closet and successfully covers up every part of his body
except his balls. Thinking quick, she paints his balls red with
some spray paint.
Her husband comes up to the bedroom and opens the closet doors to
get out some clothes and notices the red balls hanging
there. "What are these?" he asks.
"Oh, those are just some Christmas Bells I picked up on sale this
afternoon," she answers.
He toys with them for a second and realizes that they are not
making noise, so he pulls them apart and clangs them together, but
all he hears is "uuuggghhh".
He says, "Honey, these things aren't working right, let me try
again." So he pulls them farther apart and bangs them more...
Marvin the Nature Lover spied a grasshopper hopping in the grass, and in a mood for communing with nature rare even among full-fledged Nature Lovers, he spoke to the grasshopper, saying: "Hello, friend grasshopper. Did you know they've named a drink after you?" "Really?" replied the grasshopper, obviously pleased. "They've named a drink Fred?"
Harry's tomcat^
Screams of delight piercing the air attested to the fact that Harry's tomcat was indeed the cat's meow. But, after numerous complaints from the neighbors, Harry sadly agreed to allow a veterinarian to render the cat fit to guard a sultan's harem.
"I'll bet," ventured one of Harry's neighbors weeks later, "that that ex-tom of yours just lies on the hearth now and gets fat."
"No," said Harry, "he still goes out. But now he goes along as a consultant."
There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married... and then it was too late!"Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell. A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive. -- Bruce FriedmanA coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. -- Marvin KitmanA gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present. A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke. A husband is what's left of the lover after the more...
A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband's best friend.
They make love for hours and, afterwards, while they're just lying there, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful.... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies, "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
The guy called up his lawyer to tell him he was suing for divorce, and the lawyer inquired as to his grounds for the suite.
"Can you belive my wife says I"m a lousy lover?" sputtered the husband.
"that's why you're suing?" asked the lawyer.
"Of course not. I'm suing because she knows the difference."