Low Jokes / Recent Jokes
As it gets older, the differential starts slipping, and the U-joints get worn, causing the drive shaft to go bad.
The transmission won't go into high gear and sometimes has difficulty getting out of low. Overdrive is out of the question!
The cylinders get worn and lose compression, making it hard to climb the slightest incline. When it is climbing, the tappets clatter and ping to the point where one wonders if the old bus will make it to the top.
The carburetor gets fouled with pollutants and other matter, making it hard to get started in the morning. His gas fumes can kill ya!
It is hard to keep the radiator filled because of the leaking hose.His frame has a big bow in the middle too. The thermostat goesout, making it difficult to reach operating temperature. The headlights grow dim, and the battery needs constant recharging.
His shifter is stuck in the down position which is the' low position' and ya can't get any where that more...
A Scholar rented a room from a monastery to use for study. In fact, he played all around instead of studying. One afternoon, he suddenly came back and called the page boy to fetch him a book. At first, the page boy fetched the Liang Dynasty Wenxuan. He looked at the book and said," Too low." Then, he brought the scholar the classic History of the Han Dynasty, but the answer was still "Too low." Finally, he brought a third famous classic, the Records of the Historian, but the answer was still "Too low." A monk, very astonished by this, confronted the scholar," Generally, if a person masters one of these great books in a lifetime he is considered well-learned. Why do you say these classics are low books?" "I'm trying to find a book that's just the right height to use as a pillow," the scholar replied," these are all too low."
Flutes: If you are a flute player then you're probably smart, strong, out-going, and have a lot of friends. But you might want to watch out for low brass players because some of them may not enjoy your high pitched melodies.
Compatibility: Trumpets, clarinets and saxophone players are OK, but stay clear from tuba players.
Clarinet: If you play the clarinet then you're most likely to be strong, and strong-willed, skilled and talented, smart, and of course, romantic. The future is always in your past and the past is always in your future. As the same for flute players, watch out for the low brass section. Compatibility: Flutes, trumpet and French horn players are advised.
Oboe: If the oboe is your skill then you are smart, very talented, well rounded, cunning, dexterous, and clever. Beware of clarinets though, because its just genetic for them to dislike you. Compatibility: Flutes, French horns, and trumpet players are all right, but steer clear from clarinets.
Baritones: If you play the baritone then you are most likely strong, smart, out-going, open-minded and misunderstood. Unfortunately the baritone is the only brass instrument that is not included in a orchestra. For that we're sorry, the baritone has earned its right there. Your enemy is most likely the trombones, they just don't know it. Keep your senses keen! Compatibility: Like the trombones, stay away from other low brass. But! Bass clarinets, French horns and saxophones are OK.
Tubas: If you play this "umpa, umpa" then you are most likely to be like the bass clarinets. Out-going, "wild" and open minded. Congratulations, you've strived to be different in this world. Not only that but if you play this monstrosity of a horn then you are probably in good shape. As far as your enemies I would say it would be the entire woodwind section, because it is your mission and goal in life to over play them in band. But of course the bass clarinets and saxophones more...
My computer broke down. It crashed and burned! And for my AOL, I really yearned! I tried to stay busy... And keep it off my mind. It was worse than cigarettes, at least butts I can find!! So I went to Wal-Mart, and got on their pc. The cashier in electronics was staring at me. But I didn't care. I had to get on line! Check my mail, and see what buddies I can find. I drew a crowd as I began to cry. I couldn't find the password no matter how hard I tried! I need my AOL!! I got to have my fix!! Go to my favorite places, check out some cool pics. The cashier called Security! I heard her whisper low, "We have ourselves a Psycho here and she has got to go!" Security rushed over. Not long did he stall. Obviously he has never suffered from AOL withdrawal. He slapped cuffs on my wrists and threw me out the door! Then he looked at me and said, "Don't come round here no more!"I feel so embarrassed!! I have sunk so low! To be kicked out of Wal-Mart.... How low can I go? So more...
This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been
in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise.
When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with
a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked
Peter how much all this was going to cost.
"It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship
golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the
course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.
The old man asked, "what are the green fees?".
Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free." Next they went to the club house and saw the
lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the more...
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
if you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self-defense.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, more...