Manager Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, ''Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.'' The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. ''Sir,'' the usher said, ''if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager.'' Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly.''All right buddy, what's your name?''''Sam,'' the man moaned. ''Where ya from, Sam?'' the cop asked. ''The balcony.''

Hillary Clinton went into a pet shop and found a beautiful, colorful parrot. "Does this parrot talk?" she asked.
"Yes, he does," the manager told her.
"But why is this one only $50 and all the others are $500?", she asked.
"Well, ma'am," the manager told her, "not everyone would want to own this parrot. He spent many years in a whore house and his language is terrible."
"Well, I want him," she said.
"Suit yourself," the manager shrugged.
When she got the parrot back to the White House, she uncovered his cage and admired the colorful bird. The parrot tilted his head to one side, looked her straight in the eye and said, "New house, new madam."
Hilary laughed.
Soon Chelsea and a friend came in and began admiring the bird.
"New house, new whores," the parrot observed.
At first they were offended, but when Hilary explained about the bird's history, Chelsea, too, more...

A really horny man walks into a whorehouse, but only has ten dollars. He walks up to the manager and says "What can I get for ten bucks?"

The manager replies, "The only thing we got at that price is some old bag who's been in the business for 50 years."

The man tells the manager that it will have to do and he is instructed to go into one of the bedrooms. After about five minutes the old lady appears and the guy starts screwin' her.

"Damn! he says you are really dry."

"Hold on," she says and she walks into the bathroom. The old lady comes back out of the bathroom and they start up again.

The guy goes "This is way better, what did you do?"

The old lady replies, "I scratched my scabs."

A doctor, a lawyer and a manager were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.

The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."

The doctor says: "It''s better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."

The manager says: "You''re both wrong. It''s best to have both so that when the wife thinks you''re with the mistress and the mistress thinks you''re with your wife - you can go to the office and do some work.

A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their program manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off. Poof - out pops a genie."Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison. I can grant you 3 wishes. Since there are 3 of you I will grant one wish to each of you."The hardware engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be sailing a yacht across the Pacific, racing before the wind, with an all-girl crew.""It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the hardware engineer disappears.The software engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be riding my Harley with a gang of beautiful women throughout the American Southwest.""It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the software engineer disappears.The program manager looks at where the other two had been standing and rubs his chin in thought. Then he tells the Genie, "I'd like those more...

A sale representative stops at a small manufacturing plant in the Midwest. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift.

"No, thanks," says the plant manager. "I tried smoking a cigar once and I didn't like it."

The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manager out for martinis. "No, thanks," the plant manager replies. "I tried alcohol once, but didn't like it."

Then the salesman glances out the officer window and sees a golf course. "I suppose you play golf," says the salesman. "I'd like to invite you to be a guest at my club."

"No, thanks," the manager says. "I played golf once, but I didn't like it."

Just then a young man enters the office. "Let me introduce my son, Bill," says the plant manager.

"Let me guess," the salesman replies. "An only child?"

Hillary Clinton went into a pet shop and spotted a beautiful parrot. "Can this parrot talk?" she asked. "Yes, he can," replied the manager. "Why are all the others $500, and this one only $50?" "Well," explained the manager, "not everyone would want to own this parrot since he spent years in a whore house and his language is somewhat foul."
"Well, I want him," Hillary said.
"Ok ma'am, suit yourself," the manager said with a shrug. When Hillary got the parrot to the White House, she uncovered the cage and stood admiring him. Tilting his head to one side, the parrot looked her in the eye and said, "New house, new madam." This made Hillary chuckle.
After a while, Chelsea and a friend came in and stopped to admire the bird. The bird looked back at them both and said, "New house, new whores."
Hillary quickly explained the bird's history to Chelsea and her friend, which gave them both a more...