Men Jokes / Recent Jokes
How is a man like a snowstorm?
Because you don't know when it's coming, how many inches you'll get,
and how long it'll stay.
Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall talesbegins. The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands." The second can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walkingdown the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under arock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bitits head off, and sucked the venom down in one gulp. And I'm still heretoday." The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.
Six men will be dropped on an island with one van and four kids each, for six weeks. Each kid plays two sports and either takes music or dance classes. There is no access to fast food.
Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc.
The men only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done: There is only one TV between them and there is no remote.
The men must shave their legs and wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves either while driving or while making four lunches. They must attend weekly PTA meetings; clean up after their sick children at 3: 00a. m; make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.
The kids vote them off based on performance.
The winner gets to go back to his job.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None -- It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them
to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say Something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required more...
General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: “So how are your men? ”
“Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie. ”
“I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they’re the bravest men all over the country. ” “Well, my men are very brave, too. ”
“I’d like to see that. ”
So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: “Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body! ”
“Are you crazy? It’d kill me, you idiot! I’m out of here! ” As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:
“You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general. ”
Men are like high heels, they're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.