Mental Jokes / Recent Jokes
You may know they've released John Hinckley from the mental facility for unsupervised visits to his parents' home on weekends. For those of you who may be too young to remember, John Hinckley shot President Ronald Reagan to impress the actress Jodie Foster. This is such a nice letter from the President:
THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON D.C.
Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth's Hospital
Washington, DC
Dear John:
Laura and I hope that you are continuing your excellent progress in recovery from your mental problems. We were pleased to hear that you are now able to have unsupervised visits with your parents. The staff at the hospital reports that you are doing fine.
I have decided to seek a second term in office as your president and I would appreciate your support and the support of your fine parents. I would hope that if there is anything that you need at the hospital, you would let us know.
By the way, are you aware that John Kerry is screwing Jody more...
AGRA is famous for its Taj and also for its mental asylum in vernacular. Mr Girdhari Lai, before his retirement, went to Agra to see the Taj along with his family, on leave fare concession. When he joined his office after the leave, one of his friends, Mr Mange Ram, asked him,' Agra say ho aye jee?' (Have you been to Agra?)
When Girdhari Lai replied in the affirmative, Mange Ram, knowing very well that Girdhari Lai had gone there to see the Taj, quipped,' Key kahende nein?' (What did the doctors at the mental asylum say?)
Everybody listening started laughing. But Girdhari Lai silenced Mange Ram by retorting,' Oh kahende nein kee mareez noo naal ley key aoo. Das kadan chalney?' (They told me to bring the patient along with me. Tell me when you want to accompany me to Agra for a check-up.)
Sen. Sam Brownback, who wants to champion social conservatives in the presidential race, said Tuesday he wants a Senate panel to re-question a judicial nominee who attended a same-sex union ceremony.
Brownback, a Kansas Republican, said he wants Michigan state judge Janet Neff to testify about her role in the 2002 Massachusetts ceremony, her legal views on same-sex unions and her ability to be impartial if called upon to rule on such cases.
Neff's nomination to a federal district court is among a dozen or so now stalled in the Senate, a logjam in part due to Brownback's questions about Neff's attendance at a lesbian commitment ceremony. The Senate Judiciary Committee has already approved her nomination.
"I don't want to come across as an intolerant, reactionary douchebag with the mental capacity of an amoeba, " Brownback said before a lunch with potential donors and supporters in Davenport, adding, "oops, sorry, what I meant to say was I DO want to come more...
1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to more...
1 out of four people have mental illness right? well if all of your friends have a mental illness, you included then who?
answer me!!!
How To Shower Like a Woman
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do
more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs
12. Turn off more...