Mental Jokes / Recent Jokes

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a party and his host, Banta, naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Banta asked "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, `Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?` Banta thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn`t happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don`t know much about history

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?"
"Well, you might ask him,' Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'
Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear tothe wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day afterday. So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing. So he turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything." The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"

Two doctors were discussing a case in a mental ward. The first doc asked what had triggered such a profound depressive psychosis in the patient. The second one answered, "He's a lawyer. One day at home, he started to think about how much money he'd screwed his partners and clients out of over the last few years. He laughed so hard he defecated in his pants. When he smelled the foul odour he had created, he checked for the source. Finding his trousers full of the stuff, he thought he was leaking. This caused him to go into shock and faint. When he woke up, he found he had fallen on his arm, breaking it." The first doc asked, "He went mad because he broke an arm?" The second medic answered, "No, he went mad because he couldn't figure out how to sue himself!"

A doctor came to the mental hospital to visit his patients. In one of the rooms, he saw a man walking around, dragging a toothbrush on a leash.
The doctor asked the man: "What are you doing, walking the dog?"
The man replied: "Oh no, I'm just dragging my toothbrush on a leash."
The doctor left the room amazed, thinking how many normal people end up in mental institutions...
And the man said to his toothbrush: "Ha, Fifi, we tricked him!"

A physician visited a California mental institution and asked a patient "How did you get here? What is the nature of your illness?"
He got this reply.
"It started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I got hitched to a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.
My Daddy came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother.
Soon my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife. So as I told you, when stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once, my stepmother. Now since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle.
As you know, my wife is my step grand-mother since she is my stepmother's mother. (Don't forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter.) Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson.
But hold on just a more...

A psychiatrist in a mental hospital decided to test three patients to determine if they were well enough to be released.
He asked the first one: "What is 3 times 3?"
The patient answered: "111."
He asked the same question of the second patient and was told that the answer was "Tuesday."
He told both that they weren't healed and had to stay.
He asked the third one: "What is 3 times 3?"
The reply: "9."
"Great!!! You're cured! You can go home, but tell me how you knew the answer?"
The patient replied: "Simple. I divided 111 by Tuesday!"