Message Jokes / Recent Jokes

(Loud sounds of a massive battle; calm voice:) Hello! Due to the breakdown in the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 286-3589 are cowering in their bomb shelters. However, if you leave your name, number, and a message, any survivors will get back to you when the 453rd truce begins.

John: Brad, will you get the phone?
Brad: (Sound of frantically clattering keyboard.) I can't! I'm playing Omega!
John: Ambar, will you get the phone?
Ambar: I can't! I'm late for work! (Sound of slamming door.)
John: Aimee, will you get the phone?
Aimee: (Sound of running water.) I can't! I'm in the shower!
John: Glenn, will you get the -- (disgusted) Ah, Glenn's in Denver. Please leave a message.

A is for academics,
B is for beer.
One of those reasons is why we're not here.
So leave a message.

I'm pretending that I'm marooned on a desert island with Dana Delany, Linda Carter, and Sharon Lawrence. Since I don't have a telephone there, you could leave a message in a bottle at the sound of the beep, and maybe it'll wash up on my beach in a few days. Then if the professor gets stranded here, we'll create a satellite uplink from a few coconuts and a palm leaf and I'll get right back to you.

(Sound of scrap metal falling down a staircase continues through message.) Hello, we are having some technical problems right now, so we can't take your call. Please leave us a message.

A minister tells of his first Sunday in a new parish and of presenting the children's message. It seems the sanctuary in the new church had some magnificent stained glass windows, so his message centered on how each of us is called to help make up the whole picture of life (the life of the community of the faithful). Like the pictures in the windows, it takes many little panels of glass to make the whole picture.And then he said, "You see each one of you is a little pane." And then pointing to each child, "You're a little pane. And you're a little pane. And you're a little pane. And..."It took a few moments before he realized why everyone was laughing so hard.

After having been commissioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing on Earth, St. Peter now stood before his boss ready to present his findings.

"Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?" God asked.

"I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving in a sinful manner. There's drugs, alcohol, murders, you name it - a regular Sodom and Gomorrah. But the worst is this new obsession with oral sex. According to my survey, 88% of the population is doing it. I'm afraid it has reached epidemic proportions."

"Hmm," God said thoughtfully, "Do you have any recommendations as to what should be done to put an end to this sexual perversion?"

"I think we should send a message to everyone on Earth who engages in oral sex. The contents of that message should tell them exactly what will happen to them on Judgement Day if they do not stop this type of activity," replied St. more...