Mind Jokes / Recent Jokes
TOP 10 REASONS WHY SOME MEN FAVOR HANDGUNS OVER WOMEN10 - YOU CAN TRADE IN AN OLD 44 FOR A NEW 22, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.9 - YOU CAN KEEP ONE HANDGUN AT HOME, AND HAVE ANOTHER FOR WHEN YOU`REON THE ROAD.8 - IF YOU ADMIRE A FRIEND`S HANDGUN AND TELL HIM SO, HE WILL PROBABLY LET YOU TRY IT OUT A FEW TIMES.7 - YOUR PRIMARY HANDGUN DOESN`T MIND IF YOU KEEP ANOTHER HANDGUN FOR A BACK UP.6 - YOUR HANDGUN WILL STAY WITH YOU EVEN IF YOU RUN OUT OF AMMO.5 - A HANDGUN DOESN`T TAKE UP A LOT OF CLOSET SPACE.4 - HANDGUNS FUNCTION NORMALLY EVERY DAY OF THE MONTH.3 - A HANDGUN DOESN`T ASK, "DO THESE NEW GRIPS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?"2 - A HANDGUN DOESN`T MIND IF YOU GO TO SLEEP AFTER YOU USE IT.1 - YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN.
He has a one-track mind, and the traffic on it is very light. He paid $500 to have his family tree searched, and found out he was the sap. There are times he has something on his mind - he wears a hat occasionally. His neck reminds you of a typewriter - Underwood. The only time he thinks is in a poolroom, where he can rack his brains. If you want the real dope about anything, go to the real dope - HIM! He bought a topless bathing suit for his half-sister. A traffic judge asked him, "Have you ever been up before me?" And he said, "I don't know, what time do you get up?" Once he saw an old woman fall down, but didn't help her up. His mother warned him against having anything to do with fallen women. He's never bought Christmas seals -says he wouldn't know what to feed them. He carried a double-barreled gun to the ball game, because he heard the Lions were playing the Tigers. He called it quits when his fourth child was born, because he read that every fifth child more...
Multi-national personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization headquarters
near Paris found English to be an easy language... until they tried to
pronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses below
were devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months
at hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.
ENGLISH IS TOUGH STUFF
======================
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say more...
What is the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield?
It's butt!
Multi-national personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization headquarters
near Paris found English to be an easy language... until they tried to
pronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses below
were devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months
at hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.
ENGLISH IS TOUGH STUFF
======================
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say more...
What is the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield? It's butt!
He has one of those mighty minds - mighty empty. He has a one-track mind, and the traffic on it is very light