Mine Jokes / Recent Jokes
My love for you... it came and went.
So your feet are now in wet cement.
I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishes
Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes.
Lie down with me -- it's my final offa,
Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa.
I picked up this card from a slim selection
But that's all they offer here in witness protection.
Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.
Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass;
So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass.
Violets are blue, roses are red,
I blew up your car -- So why ain't you dead?
The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one look
You'd bear a son, and now that's done, So shut your mouth and cook!
Youse da greatest. Youse da best.
But you're as untouchable as Elliot Ness.
Lust is fleeting, true love lingers.
Be mine always and you'll keep your more...
That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.
"How do you know?" the friend asked.
"She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley."
"So?"
"She's a liar. / spent the night with her sister, Shirley."
Wife:' The two things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie.'
Husband:' Which is this?'
Newlywed:' Do you want dinner?' Spouse:' Sure, what are my choices?' Newlywed;' Yes and No.'
First guy (proudly):' My wife's an angel!' Second guy:' You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
A husband said to his wife,' No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.'
If I want it, it's mine. If I give it to you and change my mind later, it's mine. If I can take it away from you, it's mine. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. If it's mine, it will never belong to anybody else, no matter what. If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
Another friend of mine is a very successful businessman. He started with five thousand pounds - now he owes fifty-five million.
Last year a friend of mine upgraded from BoyFriend 1. 0 to Husband 1. 0 and found that it's a memory hog, leaving very little system resources available for other applications. She is now noticing that Husband 1. 0 is also spawning Child Processors which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed her that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Husband 1. 0 installs itself such, that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. She's finding that some applications such as SpendingSpree 2. 4, GirlsNight 3. 5 and CocktailNight 7. 0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). During installation, Husband 1. 0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-ins such as MotherInLaw more...
A dentist friend of mine had a T-shirt which said on the front: Let me put my tool in your mouth... and on the back:. .. and I will fill your cavity.