Moment Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy goes over to his buddies house and knocks on the door, it opens and there stands his friends wife.' Is John home?' he asks. She replies' No I'm sorry he's gone out to run a few errands.'' Would you mind if I came in and waited for a few minutes?' She opens the door and he follows her down the hall and into the kitchen.' I can't help to notice how beautiful your breasts look in that robe. I will pay you $100 if I could just see one of them.' The woman thinks it over for a moment and figures why not, it is a $100. She opens her robe exposing one of her breasts as the man reaches for his wallet, pulls out a $100 bill and throws it on the table. Shortly there after while drinking his coffee he asks' Your breast was so beautiful, I've got to see them both at the same time, I will pay you another $100 if you will show me them both.' She once again thinks for a moment and decides, what the hell and opens her robe giving him a good long look. He then opens his wallet, grabs another more...

Once upon in air india flight, one Indian man and a English man were traveling, the indian man got his dinner from home, he took it out the box, and took out a roti (indian chapati) then at that moment english man curiously asked "what's that", the indian replied "bread of India"
After a while the indian took out a gulabjamun (indian sweet), at that moment english asked "whats that" then english replied "sweet of india", after some time the indian guy farted with a big sound at that moment the english man asked "what's that", the indian said thats "AIR INDIA"

You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message. This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what and we'll get back you-know-when. Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, all our assholes are busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an asshole return your call as soon as possible. I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person. HI. If you are a burglar, checking to see if anyone is home, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message. I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, more...

A man was strolling along the Beaches area in East Toronto when he spotted a bottle floating in Lake Ontario. The bottle drifted ashore. He picked up the bottle and opened it, and out popped a Genie. "Master, Master you have released me from my bondage in this bottle, ask any three wishes and I will grant them to you."The man thought for a moment and said, "I would like the following three things to happen this year - The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup, the Toronto Blue Jays win the World Series and The Toronto Raptors win the NBA title."The Genie thought about this for a moment and jumped back into the bottle.

After a long life of unselfish service, Father John O'Malley died and went to heaven. St Peter met him at the gate and said: "John, you did such a wonderful job for us on earth, we'd like to do something special for you. You name it; it's yours." John thought for a moment and said: "I'd like a private audience with the Holy Mother." St Peter told him it would be arranged.On the appointed day, St Peter escorted John to the Holy Mother's sanctuary. John went before Her, knelt, and said: "Holy Mother, I've always looked to You for guidance, and You have granted me peace and serenity through some difficult times. But I have one question that has nagged me during my whole time on earth. In all the paintings that were done of you, and in all the sculptures that were carved of you, you always looked so sad. Why is that?" Mary thought for a moment, pursing her lips. She said: "I always wanted a girl."

Some time ago, someone had posted an article saying how the existance of Santa Claus was impossible. I took this article and sent it to a number of friends on campus. Somehow, it got to one of the professors on campus by the name of Ted Davis. He wrote the following reply.

Dear Mr. Crowell:
The analysis you sent me about the death of Santa Claus, based on classical physics, is seriously flawed owing to its neglect of quantum phenomena that become significant in his particular case. As it happens, the terminal velocity of a reindeer in dry December air over the Northern Hemisphere (for example) is known with tremendous precision. The mass of Santa and his sleigh (since the number of children and their gifts is also known precisely, ahead of time, and the reindeer must weigh in minutes before the flight) is also known with tremendous precision. His direction of flight is, as you say, essentially east to west.
All of that, when taken together, means that the momentum more...

Once, for the last fifteen minutes of my lunch break, I decided to stroll through Washington Square Park. As I was heading for the exit in the direction of 8th Street, I noticed a woman walking towards me. She looked very nicely put together - flip flops, jeans, tank top, handbag, the stylish sunglasses, the hair pulled back in a neat pony tail (credit my girlfriend for me noticing crap like that). She looked like she could've been from a Middle Eastern country, Saudi Arabia or Israel or somewhere thereabouts where people have that specific shade of eggshell skin tone... But the thing that made this a Guy Moment would be embarrassing to admit, if it wasn't both amusing and fascinating as well. It wasn't until after I noticed she had D-cup breasts that I realized that her left arm was missing from the elbow down.