Money Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three Pastors met, a Nigerian Pastor, Ghanian Pastor and a Cameroonian Pastor. They were discussing what they did with offerings from the Church. The Nigerian Pastor said, after collecting offerings from the Church, he draws a circl, he stands in the middle of the circle, he throws the offerings (money) up, anyone that falls within the circle is for him, anyone that falls outside the circle is for God (Church). Ghanian pastor said, after collecting offerings, he draws a straight line, he throws the offering up, any one that falls on the right side is for him, anyone that falls on the left is for God. Tha Camerronian Pastor looks up and said, for him, after collecting the offerings, he looks up and throws the offering up anyone that falls back to the ground is for him, and anyone that stays up there is for God. How mean can a Money Pastor be!!!.

Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.

One evening, an Indian walked into the old western town near the out skirts of his village.

When he got to main street he headed straight for the whorehouse. When he got to the whorehouse he walked up to a woman there and he held out a small bag of gold and said, "me have money, me want woman."

She looked him up and down and said, "Boy, you need to know how to make love to a woman, before getting with one of my girls. Come back when you have some experience." The Indian left and walked out of the town back to his village.

The following day he went out to the woods and found a tree with a knothole in it, and had his way with the tree, and proceeded on with other trees late into the evening.

The following evening, the Indian walked back into town with his sack of gold in one hand and a 2x4 piece of wood in the other. When he stepped inside the whorehouse, the same older woman greeted him...

He then held out his more...

An Irish girl went to London to work as a secretary and began sending home money and gifts to her parents.
After a few years, they asked her to come home for a visit as her father was getting frail and elderly. She pulled up to the family home in a Rolls Royce and stepped out wearing furs and diamonds.
As she walked into the house, her father said, "Hmmm, they seem to be paying secretaries awfully well in London."
The girl took his hands and said, "Dad, I've been meaning to tell you something for years, but I didn't want to put it in a letter. I can't hide it from you any longer. I've become a prostitute."
Her father gasped, put his hand on his heart and keeled over. The doctor was called, but the old man had clearly lost the will to live. He was put to bed and the priest was called.
As the priest began to administer Extreme Unction, with the mother and daughter weeping and wailing, the old man muttered weakly, "I'm a goner, killed by me more...

Clint was sitting in a bar having a drink and noticed that the barmaid was one hot looking babe. He slapped twenty bucks on the table and said to her, "I betcha I can keep an eye on this drink while I go to the bathroom."
Knowing the bathroom was around the corner, she accepted his bet.
He removed his glass eye, placed it beside the drink and went to the bathroom.
When he returned, he challenged, "I betcha I can bite my own nose."
She accepted his bet.
Clint took out his false teeth, nipped his nose and scooped up the money yet again.
"Okay, look," he said, "I'll give you a chance to win your money back. I betcha I can make love to you so tenderly that you won't even feel a thing."
Now this was one thing that she definitely knew about, so she accepted his bet.
Clint lifted her skirt and went to town.
"I can feel you," she said with a giggle.
"Oh, well," replied Clint, "you win more...

MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.

The parents of a Northwestern student who just headed back from holiday received this letter: Dear Mom and Dad: Univer$ity life i$ $o wonderful! Cla$$e$ this $e$$ion are intere$ting, my cla$$mate$ are the be$t! But after $pending all my ca$h on Chri$tma$ pre$ent$, I am in a little need for $ome $pending money for book$ and $uch. But don't want to $end the wrong $ignal$ home. Love
Your $on
After deliberating a while, this was the draft of their appropriate response:

Dear Son: NOt much to NOtice here on the NOrth side of town since you left for NOrthwestern. NObody doing NOthing Noble. Enjoyed having you home for Thanksgiving in NOvember and Christmas. NOthing is the same since you left. Loved your NOte; write aNOther one when you have time. Have to go NOw. Mom & Dad