Mouth Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on 'Observation'. He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid.
"This", he explained to the class, "is urine. In order to be a doctor, you must be observant to color, smell, sight, and taste."
After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust. But, being the good students that they were, the jar was passed around and, one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar jar and then put it into their mouth.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "Had any of you been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."

A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on 'Observation'.
He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. "This", he explained, "is
urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to colour, smell,
sight and taste."
After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into
his mouth. His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust.
But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed,
and one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar and then put
it into their mouth.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If
anyof you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put
my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."

A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor
gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample
tomorrow."
The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him
the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks
what happened, and the man explains, "Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried
with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then
her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
then with the teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady
next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."
The doctor was shocked, "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get more...

A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."
The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, first I tried with my right hand, but nothing happened. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand - nothing. Then with her left, still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."
The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?"
The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar open!"

"Doctor, doctor!" said the panic-stricken woman, "my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he's swallowed a mouse! What shall I do?" "Quite simple," said the doctor calmly. "You just tie a lump of cheese to a piece of string and lower it into your husband's mouth. As soon as the mouse takes a bite haul it out." "Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I'll go around to the fishmonger straight away and get a cod's head." "What do you want a cod's head for?" "Oh- I forgot to tell you. I've got to get the cat out first!"

Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra`s performance of Tchaikovsky`s 1812 Overture at an outdoor children`s concert. In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited firecracker, which was equivalent in strength to a quarter stick of dynamite, into his aluminum straight mute and then stuck the mute into the bell of his quite new Yamaha in-line double-valve bass trombone.

Later, from his hospital bed he explained to a reporter through bandages on his mouth, "I thought that the bell of my trombone would shield me from the explosion and, instead, would focus the energy of the blast outward and away from me, propelling the mute high above the orchestra, like a rocket." However, Paolo was not up on his propulsion physics nor qualified to use high-powered artillery and in his haste to get the horn up before the more...

Gather presents, boxes, paper, etc. in middle of living room floor.
Get tape back from puppy.
Remove scissors from older dog's mouth.
Open box.
Take puppy out of box.
Remove tape from older dog's mouth.
Take scissors away from puppy.
Put present in box.
Remove present from puppy's mouth.
Put back in box after removing puppy from box.
Take scissors from older dog and sit on them.
Remove puppy from box and put on lid.
Take tape away from older dog.
Unroll paper.
Take puppy OFF box.
Cut paper being careful not to cut puppy's foot or nose that is getting in the way as he "helps."
Let puppy tear remaining paper.
Take puppy off box.
Wrap paper around box.
Remove puppy from box & take wrapping paper from its mouth.
Tell older dog to fetch the tape so he will stop stealing it.
Take scissors away from puppy.
Take tape older dog is holding.
Quickly tape one spot before taking scissors from more...