Mph Jokes / Recent Jokes
* I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
* Sorry, Officer. I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
* Aren't you that guy from the Village People?
* Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
* I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.
* I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
* You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
* Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on COPS?
* Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?
* I pay your salary!
* Gee, Officer... that's terrific... the last officer only gave me a warning too!
* Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
* I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.
* What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're more...
The AOL Car
The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.
The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a pretty colors and lights.
The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.
If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of more...
A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. "I was only going 40!" the driver protested.
"Not according to my radar," the trooper said.
"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
"No you weren't!" the trooper said.
With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."
A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him. “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce. ” The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph. “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and he’s a better lover than you. ” Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases. “I want the house also. ” Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 75 mph. “I want the kids too. ” The husband just keeps driving faster and faster, now he’s up to 85 mph. “And I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards. ” The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling as the speedometer reaches 90 mph. “You’re taking this incredibly calmly, ” the wife says. “Isn’t there anything that you want? ” “No, I have everything I need. ” more...
A Man Was Driving Along A Rural Road, One Day, When He Saw A Three-Legged Chicken. He Was Amused Enough To Drive Along Side It For A While.
As He Was Driving, He Noticed The Chicken Was Running 30 Mph."Pretty Fast Chicken," He Thought, "I Wonder Just How Fast It Can Run." So, He Sped Up And The Chicken Did, Too!
They Were, Now, Moving Along The Road At 45 Mph! The Man In The Car Sped Up, Again. To His Surprise, The Chicken Was Still Running Ahead Of Him At 60 Mph!
Suddenly, The Chicken Turned Off The Road And Ran Down A Long Driveway, Leading To A Farmhouse. The Man Followed The Chicken To The House And Saw A Man In The Yard, And Dozens Of Three-Legged Chickens.
The Man In The Car Called Out To The Farmer, "How Did You Get All These Three-Legged Chickens?"
The Farmer Replied, "I Breed' Em. Ya' See, It's Me, My Wife, And My Son Living Here, And We All Like To Eat The Chicken Leg. Since A Chicken more...
AOL announced another rate increase today moving the ulimited access rate up too $23.90/month. Thought this joke was appropriate to celebrate the occassion. 1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer. 2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player. 3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later... and later... and later... and oh forget it. 4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars. 5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model. 6. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason. 7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots of pretty colors and lights. 8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members. 9. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make more...
A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know weve been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce." The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph. She then says, "I dont want you to try to talk me out of it, because Ive been having an affair with your best friend, and hes a better lover than you." Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels. She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph. She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until hes up to 80 mph. She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there an ything you want?" The husband says, "No, Ive got everything I more...