Neither Jokes / Recent Jokes

Rules that guys wished girls knew...
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if he can find the perfect present!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like ever other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not a sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. more...

Rules that guys wished girls knew... 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to seeif he can find the perfect present! 5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are preparedto discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and monster trucks.8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like ever other cat.9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of thetides. Let it be.11. Shopping is not a sport.12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.13. You have enough clothes.14. You have too many shoes.15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.16. Your more...

One morning at church, the pastor was preaching about what God was and wasn't. He said "God is neither white, nor black. God is neither male nor female." After hearing all this, a curious 5 year old turned to his dad and asked -"Daddy, is God Michael Jackson?"

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. And while no one knows what is in a hotdog, you can be pretty sure it isn't canine. English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, 2 mice. One louse, 2 lice. One house, 2 hice? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck or car and more...

25 rules for Women to follow: 1. Sports Center starts at 11: 00 PM and runs an hour. This is a great time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to your sister. Do not bother me!! 2. Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game DO, in fact, constitute going out to dinner. 3. Unlike you, we essentially want to dress just exactly like all our friends. Thus, you need not go much further than the Gap, J. Crew, Banana Republic or the local Patagonia store. 4. If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work? 5. Butthead is the smart one. 6. Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear? 7. You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about. 8. Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about "us" and "the relationship." 9. Things you can help with: the Sunday crossword, yard work, the dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping. 10. Things you should let us do alone: figuring out where we are, watching anything on TBS, playing more...

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what more...

There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger There is neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren `t sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, Boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don `t fing, grocers don `t groce, and hammers don `t ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn `t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese, so, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn `t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet more...