New Jokes

Four men went to play golf.
Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill.
The three men started talking and bragging about their sons.

The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so successful he gave a friend a new home for free. Just gave it to him!"

The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He''s so successful that he gave one of his friends a new Mercedes, fully loaded."

The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker, and he''s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock and bond portfolio."

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.

The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"

The fourth man replied, "Well, my son more...

An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive. For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single more...

China, New Zealand, New England, and Samoa were all building a big Tower for their leaders. So after they were done building the tower each leader wanted to make a toast. China went first. He steps up and says, "I want to make a toast to the Great Wall of China!" All of the Chinese people cheered. Then, the leader of New Zealand steps up and he says, "I want to make a toast to the green grass of New Zealand!" Everyone from New Zealand now cheered. Then the Prince of New England steps up and he says, "I want to make a toast to my mom the Queen of New England!" So everyone from New England cheered. Then finally a drunk Samoan from Samoa was about to toast but his leader tried to stop him but he couldn't so the drunk Samoan says, "(I want to make a toast to the Bull of Samoa.". Everyone freezes and they say "The Bull of Samoa... What is that?" Then he says, "Yeah the Bull of Samoa - The Bull of Samoa jumps over the Great Wall of more...

Mr. Smith got himself a new secretary. She was young, pretty, sweet and polite. One day while taking dictation she noticed his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said,' Mr. Smith, do you know your barracks door is open?'

He didn't immediately understand her remark but later on he glanced down and saw his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new secretary. He called her in and asked,' By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did notice the soldier standing at attention?'

' Why, no Mr. Smith,' she replied sweetly,' all I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two old duffel bags.'

These four gents go out to play golf one day. One is detained in the clubhouse and
the remaining three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the homebuilding industry.
He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so
successful that in his last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home
as a gift."
The second man not to be outdone, told how his daughter began her career as a car
salesperson, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "She's so successful, in fact, in
the last six months she gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man's son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm and in the
last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives, they tell him that they have been discussing their more...