New Years Jokes / Recent Jokes

This year, I resolve to... - Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. - Stop exercising. Waste of time. - Read less. Makes you think. - Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. - Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow. - Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1. - Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine. - Not jump off a cliff just because everyone else did. - Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. - Not have eight children at once. - Get in a whole NEW rut! - Start being superstitious. - Personal goal: bring back disco. - Not bet against the Minnesota Vikings. - Buy an' 83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system. - Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash. - Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords. - Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. - Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace. - Not eat cloned meat. - Create loose ends. - Get more toys. - Get more...

As in many homes on New Year's Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing."See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing."