Nose Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold, blustery January day. The daughter said to the mother, "My hands are freezing cold."
The mother replied, "Put your hands between your legs. The body heat will warm them up."
So the daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day, the daughter was riding in the buggy with her boyfriend. The boyfriend said, "My hands are freezing cold."
The daughter replied, "Put them between my legs, they'll warm up."
So he did, and his hands warmed up. The next day, the boyfriend was again driving in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is freezing cold."
The daughter replied, "Put it between my legs. It will warm up."
He did, and his nose warmed up. The next day, the boyfriend was once again driving with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."
The next day, the daughter is driving in the buggy with more...

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?A: Bobbing for french fries.

This man had a banana in his ear and a hamster stuck up his nose..
so he went to the doctor and he said
"doctor doctor whats wrong with me!?!?!?"
and the doctor says
" well son it appears that you have a banana in your ear and a hamster stuck up your nose !"

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
There were empties and butts
Left around by some louse.
And the best quart I'd hid
By the chimney with care
Had been swiped by some creep
Who'd discovered it there!
Our hung-over guests
Had been poured into bed
(They'll wake in the morn
With a God-awful head)
My tongue, cotton-coated,
Hung down to my belt
And only the seasick
Could know how I felt!
My wife - she had long ago
Gone up to bed
While visions of Redskins
Danced in her head.
And I in the parlor
Sat all alone,
I'd unplugged the cat
And put out the phone.
Just then, through a window
Came noise and smells
Like an overturned beer truck
And tinkle of bells!
I sprang from my chair
To see what was the matter
To see what was causing
The smell and the clatter.
When what to my wondering
Eyes did appear
But eight drunken reindeer
And sled more...

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a more...

Monster: Doctor, doctor, how do I stop my nose from running? Doctor: Stick out your foot and trip it up.

Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A. From a catalogue.