Nursery Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What's Michael Jackson's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Little Boy Blew.

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog.
The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"

Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child:"No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldnt be tax deductible, but I like your thinking".

If Scientists Wrote Nursery Rhymes How many can you solve? (Answers below)1. A research team proceeded toward the apex of a natural geologicprotuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement ofa sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact sizeof which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitantly descended, sustaining severe fractural damage to the upper cranial portion of hisanatomical structure. Subsequently, the second member of the teamperformed a self-rotational translation oriented in the direction takenby the first member.2. Complications arose during an investigation of dietary influence: oneresearcher was unable to assimilate adipose tissue and another was unableto consume tissue consisting chiefly of muscle fiber. By reciprocalarrangement between the two researchers, total consumption of the viandsunder consideration was achieved, this leaving the original container ofthe viands devoid of contents.3. A young male human was situated more...

In response to the request for "kids growing up" stories, here's one
told to me many years ago by some friends about their five-year-old
daughter Laura. The mother calls it "The Kevin Incident." The father
just says, "Like Mother, Like Daughter."
It seems that Laura came home from Nursery School one day and
announced that Kevin had pee-peed in the yard. Since Laura was one of
the older children in the Nursery School group, her parents wanted to
impress on her that she should try to help the younger children learn
right from wrong, so they said, "Well, Laura honey, how big is Kevin?"
Whereupon Laura held her two index fingers an inch or so apart and
said, "Oh, about this big."