Obvious Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans?
So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence. What's so great about humans, anyway? Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple:
THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.
Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves.
True, chimps, orangutans and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train.
2. How And When to Get Your Human's more...

This question was posted to the Usenet Oracle:
If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor butter-side
down. If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and towering place, it
will land on it's feet. But what if you attach a buttered piece of bread,
butter-side up to a cat's back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat
land on it's feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able to
deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must
hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that
the cat can not smash it's furry back. If the combined construct were to land,
nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not
fall.
That's right you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can get), you have
discovered more...