Offer Jokes / Recent Jokes

A proprietor very keen on obtaining the maximum from the customer, had drilled his
sales staff not to turn away any customer, but to try to entice them with a similar option -
like he said - if they require rose brand sugar and we don't have the stocks offer them
elephant brand sugar etc etc.
Well a nervous young salesman eager to show off how effective a job he could do, met his first customer that day - an old lady who hobbled in. He greeted her with a cherry good morning and she stated that she required toilet paper.( A luxury which was not freely available or well known during this period.)
The salesman said sadly "Mam I am sorry I cannot give you toilet paper as we have run
out of stocks, but could I offer you instead a good quality tissue paper?"
The old lady thinking the man was trying to be fresh gave him a nasty look and
said No No thank you.
The salesman not wanting to be beaten then offered her some carbon paper - in more...

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Farmer's Branch, Texas:Customers waiting for car repairs at Swedish Auto Incorporated now have an alternative to reading old magazines.William Signs, owner of the garage, is offering a free marriage ceremony with any 30,000-mile inspection on Hondas, Volvos and BMWs. For the $290 price of the inspection, he will throw in the cost of being married by the local justice of the peace, a $25 value.The inspection comes with a warranty, but there is no guarantee on the marriage. Then again, the justice of the peace, Judge Bob Forman, suggests, "Maybe the car will break down and the marriage won't." He says he hasn't seen anything like this stunt since his days as a practicing attorney, when a client asked him to draw up wills for employees in lieu of cash bonuses at Christmas.Signs said he got the idea during a trip to Las Vegas, where he more...

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
4. Whistle the first seven notes of 'It's a Small World' incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, crash from side to side as if you're on rough seas.
7. Shave. (Especially if you're a woman.)
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask: "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
13. more...

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to' love, honor and obey' and' be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a more...

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, crash from side to side as if you're on rough seas.
7. Shave. (Especially if you're a woman.)
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask: "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol more...

A bored truck driver had a nasty habit of swerving to hit attorneys he found walking along side of the highway.
One day as he was driving along he came across a Nun who appeared to be having car trouble.
Pulling over to offer the Nun a ride to the nearest service station, the Nun graciously thanked the driver for stopping and accepted his offer.
After driving a few miles the truck driver saw an attorney walking along the highway.
As was his custom, the truck driver swerved to hit the attorney but, at the last moment, remembered he had the Nun as a passenger and abruptly swerved away to avoid hitting the attorney.
Surprised upon hearing a loud 'thump' as he passed the attorney, the truck driver peered in his rear view only to see the attorney lying injured along side of the road.
"I'm so sorry Sister, I thought I missed hitting that attorney!" the truck driver plead.
"You did my son, but I got him with the door!" gleed the Nun.

The job security quiz will help judge how long you`ll end up at your current job and what will become of you.

The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk, you...
A. Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his kid.
B. Inform him that you`re planting a virus in the program so that everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human Resources.
C. Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until you`ve finished the level.

There`s a cush job opening in the mail department, stuffing envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your current position. What do you do?
A. Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve the morale of everyone who`s been working with you.
B. Politely ask your boss for a transfer and offer to split the salary increase 50/50 with him.
C. Barge into your bosses office and demand reassignment so that you, more...