Okay Jokes / Recent Jokes

100 Reasons It's Good to Be a Woman
1. free drinks
2. free dinners
3. free lunches
4. free movies (you get the point)
5. you can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you're gay
6. you can cry without pretending there's something in your contact
7. you know the truth about whether size matters
8. Speeding ticket? What's that?
9. you can hug your friend without wondering if YOU'RE gay
10. you actually get extra points for sitting on your butt watching sports
11. you don't have to try to laugh louder, deeper and harder than your buddies
12. if you never have a son, it's okay
13. if you do have a son, and he's a lousy athlete, it's still okay
14. if YOU'RE a lousy athlete, you don't have to question your worth as a human being
15. a new lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life
16. in high school, you never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned
17. if you have sex with someone more...

A guy goes down south to be a farmer because it's his life long dream. So he buys a piece of land and goes down there. Now all he needs are the animals. So he goes into a store and asks the clerk for a rooster to wake him up every morning.
The clerk says, "We don't call 'em roosters, we call 'em cocks."
"Okay" the man says. "I'll take a cock and a rabbit for the farm."
"We pronounce it rubbit says the clerk."
"Okay, I'll take those two things and a mule to carry them home."
"We don't call 'em mules, we call 'em asses and every time the ass stops walkin', just scratch behind his ear."
So the man walks out of the store with the three animals. He's walking home when all of a sudden the mule stops.
The man sees a lady passing by and asks, "Can you hold my cock and rubbit while I scratch my ass?"

It's perfectly okay to have sex on an empty stomach...especially if it belongs to your partner.

On the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago, the DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match." The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers yes, he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.

The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing I've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down:

DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of' Mate Match'?"

Contestant: (laughing) "Yes I have."

DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando,Florida if you win. What is more...

There was a blonde named Candi. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde jokes. So one day, she decided to get a makeover, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible.

With her new car, she went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the shepherd over.

"That's a nice flock of sheep," she said.

"Well, thank you," said the herder.

"Tell you what... I have a proposition for you," said the woman.

"Okay," replied the herder.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" asked the woman.

"Sure."

So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382."

"Wow!" said the herder, "That's amazing. You're exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep more...

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber runs out and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay and the surgeon decides to leave the bullets where they are as it is too risky to operate.
All is fine for 16 years and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. "What's wrong," asks the mother.
"Well, mum, I was having a wee and this bullet came out," replies the daughter. The mother tells her it is okay and explains what happened 16 years before.
About a week later the second daughter walks into the room in tears.
"Mum, I was having a wee and this bullet came out." The mother tells her what happened 16 years before and tells her not to worry.
Another week passes by and the son walks into the room in tears.
"It's okay," says the mother, "I know what has happened, you were having a wee and a bullet came out."
"No," says the boy, more...

FINE
This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it`s an even trade.

NOTHING
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give more...