Older Jokes / Recent Jokes

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

Julie went to the doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming.
As she ran down the hall, an older doctor stopped her and asked her what the problem was, and she explained what was wrong. He had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched back to the new doctor and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Jones is a 35 year old, she has four children, her husband had a vasectomy and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard. "Cured her hiccups though, didn't I?"

An older gentleman had lost his hearing aid and wanted to get a new one. Before getting the new hearing aid, he wanted his ear cleaned out, so he went to his doctor.
As the doctor was cleaning his ears, he noticed a foreign object lodged in the man's ear canal. With a pair a tweezers, the doctor removed the object. Upon closer examination, he discovered that it was a suppository. The doctor told the older gentleman that he had a suppository stuck in his ear.
At this, the man exclaimed, "Now I know where I put my hearing aid!"

Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older. The first guy said "Women have all the luck when it comes to getting older."

"What do you mean?" asked the second guy.

"Well," replied the first. "I can barely remember the last time I was able to get it up in bed, but my wife is healthier than ever!"

"Healthier? How is that?" his buddy wondered.

"Years ago, when we were younger, almost every night before bed she'd get these terrible headaches." he answered. "Now that we're older, she hasn't had a headache in years."

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:

"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child,' We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said,' Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'"

One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook???"

Little Johnny was 12 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about “courting” from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mother.
“ ’Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he’s not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started more...

Old Enough To Start Cussing
Two brothers were getting dressed for school. The older one says,"I think I'm
old enough to start cussing."
Younger one, "Me too. Whatcha gonna say?"
Older boy,"Dad says' damn' a lot, so that's what I'll say."
Younger boy, "I'm gonna say' betchyer ass', Dad says that all the time.
They go down for breakfast, sit at the table. Mom comes in, says to the older
one,"What would you like for breakfast dear?"
He replies, "Gimme a damn bowl of Fruit Loops."
Mom knocks older son off his chair, turns to younger one,"And what would YOU
like for breakfast?"
Younger son, "Betcher ass I don't want Fruit Loops!"