Owner Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two asses met in a market; one ass asked the other,' Why have you become so weak and sullen, doesn't your owner treat you well?'
The other ass replied,' No, my owner makes me work throughout the day and does not give me any food. He is very cruel.'
The first ass said,' Why don't you leave his house and run away?'
The other ass replied:' No, I shall not leave his house even if he tortures me, because my owner's daughter is very pretty. Whenever she does any mischief, my owner always abuses her saying that, "One day I will get you married to this donkey." I am waiting for that day to come.'
Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play -- normally one club and two balls.
Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.
For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.
The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete.
Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course.
The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well formed more...
There was this Irishman and he went into the pet shop and asked the owner if he had any budgies? The pet shop owner showed him multitudes of the beautiful coloured birds. "How many do you have?" asked the Irishman.
"Well, we have a hundred all together" said the owner. "I'll take them all!" Said the Irishman. Well, the Irishman just so happened to be wearing a very special waistcoat, with 100 little pockets in the front, and into each one he put one of the colourful little Budgies.
The Irishman then left the shop took a taxi to the Post Office Tower in London, took the lift to the top, stood on the roof an jumped off!
Well, you can imagine what happened! Kersplat! The Irishman landed in a heap at the bottom!
His friend Shamus, who had gone with the man, rushed up to his stricken friend shouting, "Paddy, Paddy, what did you do that for???"
And his friend Paddy croaked, "Jesus, Shamus, this Budgie Jumpings not all it's more...
On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.
The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said "I bet I know what it is — it's some flowers!"
"That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said "I bet I know what it is — it's a box of candy!"
"That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered.
''What is it?"
"A puppy!"
A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says "I'll bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus CAN'T play'.
The people in the bar look around, and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes the string, and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the $50.
Next, a guy comes up with a trumpet. The octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy pockets yet another $50.
The bar owner has been watching all of this and disappears to the back. He comes back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus,' Now, if your octopus can play THAT, I'll give you $100.
The octopus takes a long hard look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has yet another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes over and says' What are you waitin for? Hurry more...
If the police arrest a mime...... do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
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The bonds of matrimony are a good investment, only when the interest is kept up.
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In a small mid western conservative town, a new bar/tavern started a building to open up their business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers.
Work progressed, however right up till the week before opening, when a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground. The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.
The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the buildings demise in its reply to the court.
As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and more...
A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job. Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it. The owner replies, "Yah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!"Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment. The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling." Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit. But tell me, what in the world happened to you?" "Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it... said it fit him great. As far as my injuries go, he had this really more...