Package Jokes / Recent Jokes
Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive 98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex.
Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market.
The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom 98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities).
A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive 98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a package for start-ups, aimed at the more...
Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex.
Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market.
The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities).
A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a package for start-ups, aimed at the more...
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of Texas A&M, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund for 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every 2 years -- say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, "What starting salary were you thinking about?" The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125, 000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
REDMOND, Wash. - April 1, 1995 - Microsoft today announced the release
of Joe-Bob(tm), a new software package that the company hopes will open up
a huge untapped computer market. With the motto "The software for the rest
of y'all(tm)," Joe-Bob reaches out to the same demographic group that buys
4x4s, supports the gun lobby, and drinks Miller Lite.
"Computers have been commonly seen as for leftists and intellectuals,"
explains Microsoft spokesperson Willy Maclean, "but we've recently seen
people like Newt Gingrinch embracing new technology - the time is right
for the rest of America to get wired!"
Instead of a desktop or office metaphor, Joe-Bob(tm) puts the user in a
garage. "Click on the Lynyrd Skynyrd tapes, and get a complete music library
in digital stereo. Click on the pinups, and get hooked up to the Internet's
hottest gifs," the promotional materials explain.
The package does not include more...
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex". "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school"
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?" The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." "Cool!" says the boy.
He notices a 6-pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men, the dad answers. TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy.
"Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married more...
REDMOND, Wash. - April 10, 1995 - Microsoft today announced the release of Joe-Bob(tm), a new software package that the company hopes will open up a huge untapped computer market. With the motto "The software for the rest of y'all(tm)," Joe-Bob reaches out to the same demographic group that buys 4x4s, supports the gun lobby, and drinks Miller Lite.
"Computers have been commonly seen as for leftists and intellectuals," explains Microsoft spokesperson Willy Maclean, "but we've recently seen people like Newt Gingrinch embracing new technology - the time is right for the rest of America to get wired!"
Instead of a desktop or office metaphor, Joe-Bob(tm) puts the user in a garage. "Click on the Lynyrd Skynyrd tapes, and get a complete music library in digital stereo. Click on the pinups, and get hooked up to the Internet's hottest gifs," the promotional materials explain.
The package does not include a word processor or spreadsheet, but more...