Package Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day! What do you think it means?"
With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."
That evening, the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled, "The Meaning of Dreams."
Here's the transcript of my recent communication to Bigelow, inspired by a
sampling of their atrocious "I Love Lemon Herb Tea."
Dear Sirs,
I am writing to complain about the performance of one of your products, to
wit: Bigelow I Love Lemon Herb Tea. Having recently sampled said item in a
culinary context, I am convinced that it is the most unappealing, tasteless, and
unprofessional tea I have ever encountered.
Each teabag is enveloped in a package that reads "A year-round valentine
for everyone who really loves lemon." Well, I happen to be an ardent
enthusiast for that particular flavor, and I can assure you that this alleged
tea tastes less like lemon than most electric home appliances. The only way
this substance could be considered a "year-round valentine" is by taking the
meaning of "valentine" as "a heart," which, if left out in the open for a
year, would be encrusted with more...
Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of business school, "and
What starting salary are you looking for?" the applicant said, "in the neighborhood of $125, 000 a year, depending on the
Benefits package." the interviewer said, "well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full
Medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years - say, a red
Corvette?" the applicant sat up straight and said, "wow! Are you kidding?" and the interviewer replied, "yeah, but you
Started it."
The news keeps talking about Obama's huge stimulus package. I think that's nobody's business but Michelle's.
A blonde enters a pharmacy and tells the clerk she'd like to buy some 'bottom deodorant'.
"I'm sorry ma'am," the puzzled clerk says, "but we don't sell that here."
"Of course you do," she says. "I just bought some here last week."
"If you still have the package, bring it in and I'll see if we have any," replies the clerk.
That afternoon the blonde returns with the package.
After looking it over, the clerk says, "Ma'am, this is just regular deodorant."
"Look here!" the blonde says, "It's written right on the package... 'to use: push up bottom'!"
Weird news: bomb scarePhiladelphia - Authorities who believed they had a bomb on their hands yesterday are now trying to figure out where a box of cooked crayfish originated and where it was going.
The box was found between two cars early yesterday in a parking garage near a terminal at Philadelphia International Airport. Police dog Teddy confirmed something was fishy.
Airport spokesman Mark Pesce said the package, about the size of a shoe box, was wrapped in duct tape and had no mailing address.
"It didn't look like an average traveling box," Pesce said.
After some sniffing around, investigators summoned firefighters, bomb squad members and a robot used to detonate explosives. X-rays then showed the package contained only the small crustaceans essential to Cajun cooking.
"We were hoping it was cookies," Pesce said. From The Daily Collegian
Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of IIT, "What starting salary were you thinking about?" The engineer said, "About Rsl25, 000 a month, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, a furnished flat, full medical and dental, company matching pension fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years-say, a Skoda?" The engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."