Pair Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why do golfers where two pair of pants?
Incase he gets a hole in one

A wife was arriving home from a shopping trip was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving along the highway, I saw this young woman looking tiered and bedraggled, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten in refrigerator. She had only some worn sandles on her feet, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you had discarded because they had gone out of style. She was cold so I gave her a sweater I bought you for your birthday that you never wore because the color did not suit you. Her pants were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good but too small for you now. Then when she was about to leave the house she paused and asked, "Is there anything else your wife doesn't use any more?"

A young blonde was onvacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in theworst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.After becoming veryfrustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blondeshouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair ofshoes at a reasonable price!"The shopkeeper said,"By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself analligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly towardher. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to theswamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper more...

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair - try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair. Try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."With that he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a more...

Q: Why couldn't the negative pair square things away?
A: Because they had complex issues!

A pair of intoxicated pals were seated in their favorite bar imbibing their favorite libation.
"I think I'll have a bite to eat," said the first inebriated fellow.
Whereupon, he plucked the olive from his Martini and ate it.
"Ah," said his sozzled companion, "that calls for an after-dinner drink!"

Two friends are walking their dogs together. One has a Doberman Pinscher and the other one has a chiuauah. They start to walk past this new restraunt that is having its grand opening. The guy with the Doberman asks his friend if he wants to go check it out with him, but the guy with the chiuauah points out that there are no dogs aloud. But the guy with the Doberman says do what I do, puts on a pair of dark glasses and walks in. The manager says, "Look pal there are no dogs allowed" but the guy with the Doberman explains that the Doberman is his seeing eye dog. in awe, the manager replies, "A doberman Pinscher?!" "Of course, they just started using them, and they protect me from muggers"
"Okay come on in" says the manager.
The guy with the chiuahuah sees this and puts on a pair of dark glasses and walks in. the manager agaian states that there are no dogs allowed. So the guy explains that this is his seeing eye dog. The manager questions more...