Pair Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note: "I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove". "These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the more...

Preeto arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband, Banta, in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, Banta stopped her with these words:
"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?' And so, here we are!"

A professional wrestler went vacation in the depths of Louisiana and decided he wanted to get a pair
of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local
vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, he shouted,
"maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable
price!"
The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of your friends who
were in here earlier saying the same thing."
So the our friend headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men
standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the other two professional wrestlers the
guy in town was talking about."
Just then, he saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of more...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the more...

December 26, 1999Dear Santa, You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?! That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking more...

It's been said that the trouble in the Garden of Eden wasn't caused by an apple-but by a green pair.

An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, "But you just got a new pair last month!"
"Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b.. broken in an accident," stammered the private.
"Accident, what kind of an accident?" The Captain looked in his book of Accident definitions and glossaries, "Road-march accident, Firing Range accident, PT accident, Drill accident?"
"No, no nothing of those..." said the private.
"Well then, what is it?"
"I'd rather not tell you sir..."
"Well, no satisfactory explanations, no new glasses," said the medical officer, ready to stand up, "I've to see my patients now."
"No, no sir wait, I broke them when I was kissing my girl," blurted the private.
"Don't be daft man, how could you break your glasses kissing a girl?"
"You see, she more...