Pants Jokes / Recent Jokes

There's a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sexual disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder clinic. The chief doctor is showing him around, discussing cases and the facility, when the student sees a patient masturbating right there in the hallway.
"What condition does he have?" the student asks.
"He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder," the doctor replies. "If he doesn't obtain sexual release forty to fifty times a day, he'll pass into a coma."
The student takes some notes on that, and they continue down the hall. As they turn the corner, he sees another patient with his pants around his ankles, receiving oral sex from a beautiful nurse.
"What about him?" the student asks. "What's his story?"
"Oh, it's the same condition," the doctor replies. "He just has a better health plan."
As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking more...

Top 10 Things to do at the Mall10. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"9. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.8. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.7. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke.6. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.5. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there`s much meat on them.4. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leak proof".3. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.1. Show people your driver`s license and demand to know "whether they`ve seen this man."

A young guy was complaing to his Boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend. She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man exclaimed.

Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife, replied the Boss. Whenever she got out of hand I'd take her pants down and spank her.

Shaking his head the young guy replied, that doesn't work. Once I get her pants down I'm not mad anymore

A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom. No facilities nearby, she decided to find a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself.

Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards. Out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg.

The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. Her doctor walked into her room laughing his head off. He said,"You're not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!

So, how did you break YOUR leg??"

Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat...
He says "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, here - try these on."
So, she did and said, "These are too big, I can't wear them".
I replied, "...exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. Ever since that night we have never had any problems."
"Hmmm," says Jack. He thinks that might be a good thing to try.
So on his honeymoon, Jack takes off his pants and says to Jill, "Here try these on."
So she does and says, "these are too large, they don't fit me."
Jack says, "...exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that."
Then Jill takes off her pants and hands them to Jack and says, "Here, you try on mine."
So he more...

On their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body. She said, "I can't wear your pants." "That's right," intoned the groom, "And don't you forget it. I'm the one who wears the pants in the family." The bride took off her panties and asked her husband to try it on. "No way. I can't get into your panties." he said. "That's right. And that's the way it'll be until you change your attitude." she said and smiled.

21 TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU MIGHT MEET IN THE MEN'S ROOM! EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts. SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not. CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed. TIMID: Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes urinal, comes back later. INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink. CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor. WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection. FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug. ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants. CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble. SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed. PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand. DESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants. TOUGH: Bangs dick on side of more...