Pants Jokes / Recent Jokes

You have a nickname like Pinto, Bunty, Bunny, Dolly, or Penny. Your last name is longer than ten letters, i. e. Chandraprakash or Subramanian. You get high off butter chicken and/or mango frooti. Your gang's name is the Fob Squad or Fobby By Nature. Your gang's uniform is a Michael Jackson T-shirt with Rambo pants. Your top pick-up line is "Just have your mummy call my mummy baby, it isbeing all good." You use a whole bottle of hair gel whenever you leave the house. At clubs, you're overheard saying, "So what if my mummy picks out myclothes, you know this gear is fly baby!" (for guys) You wear tight-ass jeans. (for girls) You have to jack up your pants to get them tight. (for girls) You have a mustache. (for guys and girls) You are a pencil-bearded Malu. Your the captain and sole member of your school's cricket team. You play the sitar and/or tabla three hours everyday. You go to Rutgers University or the University of Maryland at CollegePark. You wear a turban, more...

A young couple were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly bruiser, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said.
"That's right and don't forget it," said the husband. "I'm the man in this family."
With that, she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
He said, "Hell, I can't get into your pants."
She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be until your damn attitude changes!"

A young couple just married were in their honeymoon suite on their
wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big,
burly bruiser, tossed his pants to his bride and said... "Here put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't
wear your pants," she said. "That's right," said the husband, "and
don't you forget it! I am the man who wears the pants in this family!"
With that she flipped him her panties and said "try these on." He tried
them on and found that he could only get them on as far as his kneecap.
He said, "Hell, I can't get into your panties!" She said, "That's
right, and that's the way it's going to be until your attitude changes!"

After losing his penis in a horrible accident, Schreiber went to doctor after doctor, but none could help. Finally a plastic surgeon was able to substitute a baby elephant trunk for the missing member.
Overcome with joy over the good news, the worked decided to have dinner with his wife at a fancy italian restorante to celebrate. Before he had a chance to tell his wife the news, the trunk came up from his pants and grabbed a roll off the table and then disappeared into his pants.
Schreiber's wife demanded an immediate explanation, and, upon learning of the opperation became very excited. "Tell me," she asked, "Can you do that roll trick again?"
"I think so," said Schreiber, "But, to be honest, I don't know if I can handle another bun up my ass."

Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I'm having trouble getting my
penis erect, can you help me?"
After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the
problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis
are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you except if
you're willing to try an experimental treatment."
Jack asks sadly, "What is this treatment?" "Well," the doctor
explains, "what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a
baby elephant and implant them in your penis."
Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going
through life without ever having sex again is too much, lets go for
it."
A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light to
use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his
girl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the
city. In the middle of more...

21 TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU MIGHT MEET IN THE MEN'S ROOM!
EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.
CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
TIMID: Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.
INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink.
CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor.
WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.
FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug.
ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.
CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed.
PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand.
DESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, more...

Dear Mr., Mrs., or Ms.,
Please forgive my behavior at the party last night. I know my actions were terrible, and I beg you to excuse me. Please check all that apply.
Mr. _______ regrets exceedingly his deplorable conduct while a guest at your party on _______ and begs forgiveness for the breach(es) of etiquette checked below.
__Spilling Drink
__Picking Nose at Table
__Scratching Nuts With Salad Fork
__Indiscriminate Spitting
__Complete Loss of Equilibrium
__Indiscriminate Goosing
__Inspecting Hosiery
__Belching
__Passing Out
__Failure to Zip Up Pants
__Hunting Female Navel
__Frequent and Prolonged Absence From Party
__Pissing in Sink
__Taking Off Pants
__Gut Rumbling
__Unfastening Bras on Various Ladies
__Loud Farting
__Biting Tits of Various Females
__Pissing in the punch bowl
__Fondling the breast of the hostess or guests
__Disappearing for extended periods of time with more...