Parents Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ever notice that most of these sheiks and clerics are either blind or missing an eye? This all goes back to the parents. When the clerics were children practicing bomb assembly, where were the parents to say, “Careful playing with that bomb, Nasser. It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.”

A little boy came home with his parents from church one Sunday. He seemed a little depressed, so his mother asked him if something happened in Sunday school class that he would like to talk about. He told his mother "Well, we were singing songs and the teacher made us sing about a poor bear named Gladly that needed glasses and I can't stop thinking about him. She said he was cross-eyed and I feel bad for him.
The mother couldn't understand why the teacher would teach such a song in Sunday school, so she decided to call her. To the woman`s amazement, the teacher said she only taught hymns that morning. Then the teacher began laughing out loud and said to the mother, "I know what Jeffrey`s' talking about! We learned the hymn' Gladly The Cross I'd Bear'".

Little Johnny' s next door neighbors had a baby.
Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears.

When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.

He said "Now, son... that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home."

"I promise not to mention his ears at all" said Little Johnny.

At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hand He looked at it's mother and said "Oh What a Beautiful little baby". The mother said "Thank you very much, Little Johnny."

He then said, "this more...

1. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
2. No food is allowed in the hall in high school.
In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
3. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.
4. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at
the teacher's guide.
5. In college, there are no tardy slips.
6. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you
get to live with your friends.
7. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
8. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn't heard of it.)
9. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to
choose; that is, as long as the classes don't conflict and you have the
prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.
10. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your more...

G.W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he's stupid, so he calls his good friend, Queen Elizabeth who says, "Now George, what you need to do is surround yourself with smart people. Let me demonstrate." She calls in Tony Blair and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It's not your sister, nor is it your brother. Who is it?"
"It's me," answers Mr. Blair.
George then calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it's not your brother. Who is it?"
"Gee, that's a tough one George," Cheney says. "Let me get back to you."
Cheney then calls Colin Powell and says, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it's not your brother. Who is it?"
"It's me!" answers Colin Powell.
Cheney immediately calls Bush and says, "It's Colin Powell!"
"No, you fool. It's Tony Blair!" replies Bush.

This retarded kid is starting his first day of school. He walks down to the bus stop and waits for the bus to take him to school. The bus eventually drives up and opens the door. "Hello Mr Schoolbus Driver" he says in a slurred voice. Then the bus door closes and drives off without picking him up. He went back home, told his parents and figured he would try again.
The next morning, he stood at the bus stop, the bus came around and opened the door. In a slurred voice the boy says, "Hello Mr Busdriver!" To which the bus driver closed the door and drove off.
The boy went back to his parents and told them, to which they were majorly pissed off. The next morning, they came down with the boy to the bus stop to talk to the driver. The bus came past and the door opened. The father of the boy asks, "My boy needs to go to school each morning, but you keep closing the door and driving off, how come?". The bus driver says in a slurred voice, "He keeps more...

G.W.Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid.
So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, "Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you." She calls Tony Blair in and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
Tony Blair replies, "It's me!"
So G.W. calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
And Cheney says, "Wow, that's a tough one. Let me get back to you."
So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?" And Colin Powell says, "It's me!"
So Cheney calls Bush and says, "It's Colin Powell."
And Bush says, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"