Passage Jokes / Recent Jokes

Manel had just completed her English teacher training program and was appointed to a remote school south of Sri Lanka. After some months of teaching one fine morning she was taking a reading class. Whilst the seesion was on she suddenly noticed the national clad education officer (who likes to enter into young female teachers classes) making a brief apperance in her class room.
Impressed with the fine naration of the passage by the rural students and itching for a chat with the young lady the officer stretched his arms and asked her.
'LET ME SEE YOUR PASSAGE, MISS"
The teacher falter a bit and to the amusement of those present thus said
"SIR, IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE LET YOU SEE MY PASSAGE NOW"
Having realized the lingusitic blunder he made the EO made a quick exit promising to pass her in her viva voce.

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual
Yuletide celebration and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity
was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that
species of diminutive rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was
meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood-burning caloric
apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent
visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric
appellations is the honorific title of St. Nick.

The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual
hallucinations of variegated saccarinose fruit confections performing
choreography through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in
our nocturnal head-coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the
Arctic-like gloom when more...

These are genuine extracts from letters and complaints received by the the Northern Gas Board. Complaints regarding placing of appliances and meters etc.
Can you move the meter so it won't cause an obstruction in my passage.
The electric man did it through the floorboards, but your man put it in my front passage where everyone could see it.
I don't like it as much in my kitchen as I did in the shop window.
Since you put a new pipe from the mains to our house, my husband and I dread going to bed because of slight discharge, we think there is a leak just after it enters.
I told my husband it was safe to leave it in all night, but he won't, if he comes to the showroom can the lady satisfy him behind the counter and talk him out of it.
I was told mine was no good but if it is altered I can get the North Sea in.
I have heard that there are two ways you can have it, and it worked out cheaper the more you got if you have it the other way.
I'm not more...

The minister was presenting his Sunday morning service to the congregation. He stated that everything that mankind had experienced or would ever experience was discussed or mentioned in the Bible.
After the sermon, he was shaking hands with the congregation as they filed out of the church. A woman came up to the minister and said, "Preacher, I heard your message today and I really believe that what you said is true. However in my readings of the Scripture, I have never seen any mention of PMS."
The minister scratched his head....thought for a moment and said, "Well sister just off the top of my head I cannot think of a passage but I'm sure that it exists. See me after next week's service and I will give you an answer."
The next Sunday as the preacher was again shaking the hands of the leaving congregation the woman again came up to him and asked if he had in fact gotten her an answer.
The preacher said, "Yes my dear, that passage does in fact more...

The minister was presenting his Sunday morning service to the congregation. He stated that everything that mankind had experienced or would ever experience was discussed or mentioned in the Bible.After the sermon, he was shaking hands with the congregation as they filed out of the church. A woman came up to the minister and said, "Preacher, I heard your message today and I really believe that what you said is true. However in my readings of the Scripture, I have never seen any mention of PMS."The minister scratched his head....thought for a moment and said, "Well sister just off the top of my head I cannot think of a passage but I'm sure that it exists. See me after next week's service and I will give you an answer."The next Sunday as the preacher was again shaking the hands of the leaving congregation the woman again came up to him and asked if he had in fact gotten her an answer.The preacher said, "Yes my dear, that passage does in fact exist." She more...

A Night Before Christmas Parody (Technical Version)'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Musmusculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas. The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion more...

The minister was presenting his Sunday morning service to the congregation. He stated that everything that mankind had experienced or would ever experience was discussed or mentioned in the Bible. After the sermon, he was shaking hands with the congregation as they filed out of the church. A woman came up to the minister and said, "Preacher, I heard your message today and I really believe that what you said is true. However in my readings of the Scripture, I have never seen any mention of PMS." The minister scratched his head.... thought for a moment and said, "Well sister just off the top of my head I cannot think of a passage but I'm sure that it exists. See me after next week's service and I will give you an answer." The next Sunday as the preacher was again shaking the hands of the leaving congregation the woman again came up to him and asked if he had in fact gotten her an answer. The preacher said, "Yes my dear, that passage does in fact exist." She more...