Paul Jokes / Recent Jokes

By Hank Vorjes
VATICAN CITY (AP) - In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.
With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.
"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of people."
Through the MICROSOFT more...

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Rollo while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through -- and over the balcony railing. Just then Paul's date walked out. "Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" "To tell the the truth," he replied, "he seemed a little depressed to me."

Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, N. J., in
September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of
dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2a.m., the
bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see
what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window
was closed.

Paul tries to take his friend hunting, but when they get to his favorite hunting spot, they find *No Trespassing* signs everywhere. Paul tells his friend to wait in the car and walks up to the nearby farmhouse. The farmer answers the door, and Paul says, "Sir, I've hunted on this property all my life, but now I notice you have a bunch of signs up. I wanted to see if it was still OK for me to hunt here."
The farmer scratches his chin for a bit and says, "I'll make you a deal. We've got this cow out back that we have to kill for food, but we've grown too attached to it. If you go out back and shoot my cow, I'll let you hunt on my property."
Walking back to the car, Paul decides to play a joke on his friend. "That old bastard won't let us hunt on his property," he tells him. "I'm going to shoot his cow!"
He then walks over to the side of the house and-BLAM! Suddenly two more shots ring out behind him, and his friend runs up, yelling, more...

In a grammar lesson in eighth grade Mrs. O`Neill said, "Paul, give me a sentence with a direct object."
Paul replied. "Everyone thinks you are the best teacher I the school."
"Thank you, Paul," responded Mrs. O`Neill, "but what is the object?"
"To get the best mark possible," said Paul

Joe wakes up one fine spring morning and starts to go about his daily routine when he notices that his backyard is full of penguins. In a rush to get to work, Joe phones his friend Paul and tells him to take the penguins to the zoo while he rushes to work. Paul agrees, and Joe goes to work.Later that evening, as Joe is driving home from work, he spots Paul and all the penguins walking behind him in single file. Perplexed, Joe pulls over and yells to Paul, "I thought you were taking those penguins to the zoo." Paul then casually replied, "Yeah, but I had money left over so now I'm taking them to the movies."

Paul was ecstatic when the young woman accepted his marriage proposal. He had always been very sensitive about his wooden leg and feared no one would ever have him. This fear was so strong that he couldn't bring himself to tell his fianc