Paul Jokes / Recent Jokes

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.
"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Rollo while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through."
The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through -- and over the balcony railing. Just then Paul's date walked out.
"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?"
"To tell the the truth," he replied, "he seemed a little depressed to me."

There was a job opening in the country’s most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul.
Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It’s up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, ‘Why did you become a lawyer? ’ In seconds, he chooses Paul.
Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside. ‘I don’t understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I’d lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him? ’
‘I said I became a lawyer because of my hands, ‘ Robert replies.
‘Your hands? What do you mean? ’
‘Well, I took a look one day and there wasn’t any money in either of them! ’

Two guys are susposed to meet at 4: 30. Charley shows up at
4: 30 and waits. Finally, at almost 5: 00, Paul shows up and
Charley says, "Where have you been? You're a 1/2 hour late."
Paul replies, "Sorry, I had to go to the dentist. My dick's
been hurting bad."
Charley says, "If your dick's been hurting, why did you go
to the dentist?"
Paul answers, "Because I had a tooth stuck in it."

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when hedecided to stop and sit at a Palm Readers table. Said the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, Ican read your love line and tell your romantic future."Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at hisopen palm and said, "I can see that you have nogirlfriend.""Thats true," said Paul."Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, arent you?""Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "Thats amazing. Canyou tell all of this from my love line?""Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters."

Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter. St. Peter: Hi, whats your name? Paul: My name is Paul. St. Peter: Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning? Paul: 120K. St. Peter: Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money? Paul: I was a lawyer. St. Peter: Thats great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, whats your name? Roger: My name is Roger. St. Peter: Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning? Roger: 60K. St. Peter: Hey, thats great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living? Roger: I was an accountant. St. Peter: Thats very good. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, whats your name? John: My name is John. St. Peter: Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died? John: About $23, 000. St. Peter: Hey, thats fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument did you play?

Winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest:
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
(Joseph Romm, Washington)
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
(Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
(Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when more...

...paul mc cartney received an honorary doctorate from yale university...former wife heather mills plans to sue for half the degree, since she claims it was awarded to paul while they were still married...a lawyer for mc cartney says the suit "doesnt have a leg to stand on."