Pay Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yo Mama is so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints!

Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned sternly. "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun." "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God." "Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in -law."

A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The Programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $5. ”. Again, the Engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The Programmer, now some what agitated, says, “OK, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $50! ” This catches the Engineer’s attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon? ” The more...

A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.

The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.

The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."

Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.

The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"

This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.

The programmer more...

Friday afternoon, the rush hour bus is jam-packed with commuters.

Everyone was feeling like sardines in a can. People stood face-to-face, back-to-back.

A young woman was wearing a miniskirt was feeling particularly uncomfortable with her situation.

As if feeling discomfort, a construction worker behind her said, "Pardon me, miss, but that thing pressing into your back is my weekly pay. .. today they only paid us hard cash!"

"I don't mind your hard cash," replied the woman, "but how do you explain your pay increase since the last stop?"

A man walked into a curio store and was looking around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.

The proprietor said, that will be $10 for the brass rat and $1, 000 for the story behind it. The man said,' Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story.'

He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked -- the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, which he did -- and all the rats drowned.

He returned to the store where he purchased the brass rat, and when he walked in, the proprietor said,' Ah ha! You came back to pay the $1, 000 for the story, right?'

' Nope,' replied the man,' Just came back to see if you have any brass lawyers!'

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.
The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn`t been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can`t ship your new order until you pay for the last one."
The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can`t wait that long."