Pay Jokes / Recent Jokes

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."
"Thank God," returned Mr. Carr, "I thought you were going to want cash!"

Sven and Ole worked together and were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay. Then Ole goes in and sits down with the lady. She asked Ole his occupation. "Diesel fitter", he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave the Ole $600 a week. When Sven found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting double his unemployment pay. The clerk explained: "When I looked it up, panty-stitchers were unskilled laborers and diesel fitters were skilled laborers." Skill!..."What skill?" yelled Sven." I sew the elastic on... He pulls on it and says,....." Yep, diesel fitter".

There once was a kind hearted barber in city in the US. He never charged anyone for his services. One day a Florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: `I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service. ’
The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. A Cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: `I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service.` The Cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen Donuts. A Indian goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and barber replies: ` I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service. ’ The Indian also leaves very happy. The next morning when the Barber goes to more...

Morris the agent of a beautiful actress discovered one day that the actress had been selling her body for 100 dollars a night.

The agent, who had long lusted after her, hadn't dreamed that she had been so easily obtainable.

He approached her, told her how much she turned him on, and how much he wanted to make it with her.

She agreed to spend the night with him but said that he would have to pay her the same 100 dollars that the other customers did.

He scratched his head, considered it, and then Morris asked, "Don't I even get my agent's 10% as a deduction?"

"No, siree," she said. "If you want it, you're going to have to pay full price for it just like the other Johns."

Morris the agent didn't like that at all, but he agreed.

That night, she came to his apartment after her performance at a local nightclub. The agent made love to her at midnight, after turning out all the more...

Employer's Lingo:

"COMPETITIVE SALARY" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM" We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED" Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY" Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL" We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED" Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"APPLY IN PERSON" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE" We've filled the job; our call for more...

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
9. A woman has more...

One day a man saw a beggar on the street. He went to him and said "If you stop begging I will pay you Rs 1000 per month".
In reply the begger said "Come and beg with me and I will pay you Rs5000 per month