Perfect Jokes / Recent Jokes

The finalist has been named in the worldwide search for the perfect man. After careful consideration and endless debate, The Perfect Man has been named.

MR. POTATO HEAD

He's tan.

He's cute.

He knows the importance of accessorizing.

And if he looks at another girl, you can rearrange his face.

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.
After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the East coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.
The farmer simply replied, "They're all looking to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want,"
The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.
"Well" said the man, " She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice... but pigeon-toed."
The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls. So the man went out with the second more...

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" A cynical male listener overheard and spoke up, "Lady, what you really want is a television set!"

A List of Dumps
The Perfect Dump - Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.
The Beer Dump - Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper's tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. It could have been 2 or 22, it doesn't matter. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by a malevolent fog that could close a bathroom for days.
The Chili Dump - Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it leaves. The chili dump stays with you all day, making your tush feel like a heat shield.
The Cable Dump - Long, curly and more...

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond comparison.
With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.
The farmer simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."
The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion. "Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."
The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.
"Well," the man replied, more...

A
guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect
breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let
me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?
"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps
walking away. He turns around, runs around the block
and gets to the corner before she does.
"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000
dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got
it?" So the guy runs around the next block and
faces her again. "Would you let me bite your
breasts
just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm,
$10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here.
Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her
blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.
As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts
caressing them, fondling them slowly, more...

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.The farmer simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion. "Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went."Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee more...