Perfect Jokes / Recent Jokes
Operating in stand-by mode.
Ought to have a warning label on his forehead.
Out there where the buses don't run.
Outlet isn't grounded.
Over the rainbow.
Overdue for reincarnation.
Overruns above 110 baud.
Paged/swapped out.
Paralyzed from the neck up.
Parents beat him with an ugly stick.
Parked his head and forgot where he left it.
Pedaling real fast, but not getting anywhere.
People around her are at risk of second hand idiocy.
Perfect chassis, bad driver.
Perfect face for Halloween.
Perfect percussionist for an acapella group (duh, duh, duh...)
Perfect training subject for apprentice hypnotists.
Permanently out to lunch.
Permanently rotated 90 degrees from the rest of us.
Phototrophic on a better day.
Pins 2 and 3 (RS-232) permanently connected to ground.
Playing an endgame with a king and no other pieces.
Playing baseball with a rubber bat.
Playing hockey with a warped puck.
Playing Scrabble, but we can't figure out what words he's building.
Plays pinochle with a poker deck.
Plays solitaire... for cash.
Plays tennis with no net and finds it challenging.
Plenty of myelin but not enough neurons.
Plenty of salt in the shaker, but no holes in the cap.
Alex: I Have A Perfect Son.
Justin: Does He Smoke?
Alex: No He Doesn't
Justin: Does He Drinks?
Alex: No He Doesn't
Justin: Does He Ever Come Late?
Alex: No He Doesn't?
Justin: I Guess You Really Do Have A Perfect
Son. How Old Is He?
Alex: He Will Be Five Months Old Next Monday.
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed, and driving his partner nuts.
Finally, his exasperated partner said, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answered, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man. You don't stand a chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
The Perfect Worker1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found2 hard Work jokes in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be13 executed as soon as possible. Addendum: That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the reportsent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numberedlines.
The Perfect Husband...
Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.
A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only Rs. 1, 000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure,.. go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "Rs7, 00, 000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. .. The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking
Rs. 11, 50, 000"
MAN: "Well, more...
The Eight Qualities Of A Perfect Boyfriend/Husband
Brave
Intelligent
Gentle
Polite
Energetic
Nutty
Industrious
Sensitive
And if all else fails, well. .. read the CAPITAL LETTERS only!!