Pete Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day Pete was complaining to his friend "my elbow hurts. I better see a doctor".
His friend said "Don't do that. There's a computer in the drug store that can diagnose anything. It's quicker and cheaper than visiting a doctor. simply put a urine sample in the machine and it will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it. It only costs $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose so he filled a jar with a urine sample. He went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited $10.00. The computer started to make a weird noise and various lights began to flash. After a brief pause, a small slip of paper printed. It said:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water,
avoid heavy labour,
it will be better in two weeks.
Later that evening, while thinking how amazing that computer was, Pete began to wonder if it could be fooled. He decided to give it a try.
He mixed some tap water, a stool more...

Edna hears the car drive up, then a loud clatter as it hits the garbage cans. Car door slams, some cussing, then the garage door opens, slams. Suddenly more crashing and clattering and cussing, then Pete enters the house with his golf clubs, cussing and scowling.
"What's wrong, dear? Did you have a bad day on the golf course?" Edna asked.
"Yeah, what a rotten day! What a lousy round of golf! Pete groaned. "I only hit two good balls all day, and I wouldn't have hit them if I hadn't stepped on the rake in the garage!"

pete and repaet went down to the lake.pete fell in who was left?
Q. repeat
pete and repeat went down to the lake pete fell in who eas left?
Q. repeat

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned somethingabout his girlfriend being out in the car.The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend.The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriendentwined, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" thebartender asked."That damned Pete!" the drunk chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment. “I have a wife and three children and I’d love to have you visit us. ” “Great. Where do you live? ” “Here’s the address. And there’s plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I’ll let you in. ” “Good. But tell me… what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow? ” “Surely, you’re not coming empty-handed. ”