Pharmacist Jokes / Recent Jokes
A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist said, " Why in the world do you need cyanide? The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, " Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! They'll throw both of us in jail and I'll lose my license.
Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and handed it to the pharmacist. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's more...
My brother-in-law just recently became a dentist and was issued his
DEA number, which allowed him to get prescription pads. A friend of his,
also a new dentist, had the misfortune of losing one of his pads. After
reporting the pad missing, he received a call from a pharmacist, who
believed he had found someone using the missing pad. When asked what had
raised his suspicions, the pharmacist replied that someone had just tried
to get a prescription filled for "Mofine, 1 pound."
A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist said, Why in the world do you need cyanide? The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacists eyes got big and he said, Lord, have mercy& I cant give you cyanide to kill your husband! Thats against the law! I ll lose my license, they ll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide! The lady reached into her purse, and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacists wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture again and replied, Well, now. You didnt tell me you had a prescription.
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he spoke to said she was the pharmacist and she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.
The man said it was something he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister." When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 more...
A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls abeat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist howmuch it would cost to repair the condom. The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spotwelding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, hecould sell the private a new one. The private said, "Aye, that is a weighty decision, I shall be back intwo hours with an answer." Two hours later, The Scotsman returns and says:"The regiment has voted to replace."
A man walked up to the pharmacist and asked for a pack of condoms. As soon as he paid for them, he began laughing and walked out.
The next day, the exact same thing happened. Thinking this was very strange, the pharmacist told his assistant that should the man return, he's to follow him.
Sure enough, the following day the same man returned and repeated his previous actions. As instructed, the assistant followed him.
When the assistant returned a short while later, the pharmacist asked, "Did you follow him?"
"Yes I did," replied the assistant.
"Well, where did he go?" asked the pharmacist.
"To your house!" answered the assistant.