Philosophy Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the boat. The next day at the university, a colleague asked the philosopher if he had enjoyed fishing with the Pope. "It was okay, but would you believe that guy can't swim?"

Two freshman philosophy students see the following bulletin posted on the wall of their lecture hall:

Crash Course in Logical Assumptions
Saturday, September 26, 1998, All Day


Neither of them knows what it means and they are both curious. The pair decide to find the professor and ask some questions. When they locate the professor's office, the bolder of the two enter the building while the other remains outside.

Student: "Uh... Sir.. What does Crash Course in Logical Assumptions mean?"
Professor: "Well, it involves taking information that you have, forming assumptions using logic, and then creating new information. Let me try to answer your question by asking you a question. Do you own a car?"
Student: "Uh... Yes, I do."

Professor: "Well, then I can now logically assume that you drive."
Student: "Yes, I drive. "

Professor: "Then I can logically assume more...

Every philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room; Marxist philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, but the cat isn`t there; Soviet philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, the cat isn`t there, but you keep shouting "I`ve found it! I`ve found it!"

A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."

So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.

Time goes by, and the day comes when all the students get their final grades... and to the amazment of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds gets the highest grade in the class.

His answer to the question: "What chair?"

You are probably acquainted with the Ten Commandments. These ten rules
of conduct are now something like three thousand years old. They were
certainly appropriate for the time when they were given, but this is the
Age of Information, and there is need for something more up-to-date.
Determining exactly what we need will of course require much discussion;
to provide a starting point I include my own list of rules. These may
of course be of no use to you, but I don't claim to be a prophet.
My Personal Philosophy
1. Thou shalt not bore thy neighbours by expounding thy personal
philosophy to them.
2. [deleted]
3. [deleted]
4. [deleted]
5. [deleted]
6. [deleted]
7. [deleted]
8. [deleted]
9. [deleted]
10. [deleted]

Since we're into USSR jokes:
Every philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room;
Marxist philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, but
the cat isn't there;
Soviet philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room,
the cat isn't there, but you keep shouting "I've found it! I've found it!"

The UNIX Philosophy
Ken Thompson has an automobile which he helped design. Unlike most
automobiles, it has neither speedometer, nor gas gauge, nor any of the
other numerous idiot lights which plague the modern driver. Rather, if the
driver makes a mistake, a GIANT? lights up in the center of the
dashboard. "The experienced driver," says he, "will usually know
what's wrong."
Original source unknown; found on Joseph Evans' (Electrical and
Computer Engineering professor at Kansas University) door.