Philosophy Jokes / Recent Jokes
My new work philosophy: Always give 100% at work...12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays
The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.The Second Law of Philosophy: They`re both wrong.
The French existentialist Jean-Paul Sartre was sitting in a cafe when a waitress approached him: "Can I get you something to drink, Monsieur Sartre?"Sartre replied, "Yes, I`d like a cup of coffee with sugar, but no cream".Nodding agreement, the waitress walked off to fill the order and Sartre returned to working. A few minutes later, however, the waitress returned and said, "I`m sorry, Monsieur Sartre, we are all out of cream -- how about with no milk?"
I do not think -- therefore I am not.Here is the illustration of this principle:One evening Rene Descartes went to relax at a local tavern. The tender approached and said, "Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?".Descartes replied, "I think not.", and promptly vanished.
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules.Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing ona large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopheraccidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiffstepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed itand walked back to the boat. The next day at the university, a colleagueasked the philosopher if he had enjoyed fishing with the Pope. "It wasokay, but would you believe that guy cant swim?"
A philosopher once had the following dream.First Aristotle appeared, and the philosopher said to him, "Could you give me a fifteen-minute capsule sketch of your entire philosophy?" To the philosopher`s surprise, Aristotle gave him an excellent exposition in which he compressed an enormous amount of material into a mere fifteen minutes. But then the philosopher raised a certain objection which Aristotle couldn`t answer. Confounded, Aristotle disappeared.Then Plato appeared. The same thing happened again, and the philosophers` objection to Plato was the same as his objection to Aristotle. Plato also couldn`t answer it and disappeared.Then all the famous philosophers of history appeared one-by-one and our philosopher refuted every one with the same objection.After the last philosopher vanished, our philosopher said to himself, "I know I`m asleep and dreaming all this. Yet I`ve found a universal refutation for all philosophical systems! Tomorrow when I wake up, I will more...